If we are to think of Batman as the 26-year-old industrialist Bruce Wayne who first appeared in a DC comic in 1939 and didn’t die at the end of The Dark Knight Rises, then he would be 110 years old today. By our current standards for life expectancy, anyone who gets to experience more than a century on our planet can be considered a minor miracle. We’d say Batman deserves a proper ride for reaching such an honorable age without showing any wrinkles or signs of losing appetite for living (in Italy).
Some argue that Batman is a vigilante with many unsolved personal issues, while others claim he is a hero worthy of the DC universe. We’ll let you decide what’s what with this fictitious character known worldwide. Meanwhile, we thought it would be a great idea to find a suitable ride for the billionaire who has a knack for dealing with various types of villains. After all, he has gotten pretty old by now and deserves something better and a little bit more practical than black-on-black weird-looking two-door vehicles that seem more suited for the end of times than to find touristy roads and relaxing destinations.
Let’s pretend for a minute that the entire lore has a logical, linear development. This means Batman used to live in New Jersey and, after a couple of clashes with some nefarious people like the Joker or Ra’s al Ghul (and Superman, for some reason…), the character abandoned the Gotham city protector role and tried to find a place in Italy where nobody knew him after his beloved sidekick Alfred moved there. So, the absurdly beautiful Florence was a perfect choice.
“Lasciatemi cantare (…) Sono l’italiano”
Italy is known for its great cuisine, amazing landscapes, inspiring art, great motoring heritage, and for being Roman Empire’s modern-day reincarnation. All this majestic inheritance is important and protected, so, unlike other places on Earth, the Italians didn’t bother with accommodating cars everywhere. That’s why the Fiat 500 is such an iconic little thing in the Peninsula and the Vespa scooter remained a symbol of freedom throughout the years at home and abroad.
Photo: RoCars on YouTube
However, Batman… Pardon! Bruce Wayne can’t be left with a cute two-door hatchback. He needs something cool but understated, a vehicle that can turn into a proper billionaire chariot when the owner wishes to get out of the ordinary for a while. So, instead of an Italian thoroughbred like the Ferrari Purosangue (see what I did there?), the best option for the retired vigilante is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT.
It makes perfect sense if you give it a chance. It’s stylish, but does not look wild like a Lamborghini Urus. However, it has an imposing presence thanks to its generous silhouette. The SUV also comes with enough tech to keep you connected and entertained, albeit a 110-year-old might not need the latest and greatest when it comes to listening to music and looking at a bunch of displays throwing data at you.
Besides all these cool things, we’re talking about a Porsche here, so reliability is most likely not going to be a problem if Batman manages to take the car for regular servicing himself. It has enough room to carry some friends with you and, when asked, it delivers!
Discreetly packaged speed and power
The Cayenne Turbo GT is a moderately hot pepper (I’m sorry for all these very intended puns) in the world of SUVs and competes with the greatest names of today’s car industry. Sporting a twin-turbo four-liter V8 that puts out 631 hp (640 ps) and 626 lb-ft (849 Nm) of torque, the coupe-ish SUV can reach a whopping top speed of 186 mph (300 kph). That might come in handy if someone discovers Bruce Wayne is living his best life in sunny Italy after leaving Gotham City in ruins.
Photo: RoCars on YouTube
You may ask why a hero of American origin isn’t driving a Tesla Model X Plaid. Well, that could have been an option, but let’s remember that Batman has a complicated past. It might come back to bite him at some point, which tells us that he needs to have a car ready to deliver at a moment’s notice. Imagine if the billionaire jumped in to drive the all-electric SUV and it wasn’t charged… That might pose some problems for the centennial.
Yes, recent races proved the Model X Plaid can devour its internal combustion engine (ICE) rivals. However, sprinting in a straight line isn’t everything in day-to-day life, especially if you’re a billionaire who doesn’t care about the fuel efficiency and the cost of gas.
Besides that, the Cayenne Turbo GT was prepped by Porsche’s top engineers. That inspires a whole lot of confidence, considering the marque’s success in the past couple of years with many other models, like the 911 (992) GT3.
Finally, if we didn’t manage to convince you, then watch this high-definition video and let the footage do all the work. You might come around after discovering all the impeccable angles this outlandish SUV has to show off. We're confident that you will agree with us in the end. This Cayenne truly has the potential to be a Batmobile... for the retired Batman!
Car shows on TV and his father's Fiat Tempra may have been Florin's early influences, but nowadays he favors different things, like the power of an F-150 Raptor. He'll never be able to ignore the shape of a Ferrari though, especially a yellow one. Full profile
Would you like AUTOEVOLUTION to send you notifications?
Google News