The Chevy Kodiak Pickup Was All That's Awful About American Excess, Yet I Still Want One

What ultimately became a flashy, attention-grabbing leviathan of a pickup truck began its life under more humble circumstances. For the record, the Chevy Kodiak's transformation from an honest-to-god utility truck into a caricature of everything foreigners can't stand about the American condition didn't take place overnight. It'd take a quarter century for this to take place. Initially, the Chevy Kodiak and its GMC counterpart, the TopKick, were simple Class 7 heavy trucks built around the gargantuan 10.4-liter CAT 3208 diesel engine.

With 16 different wheelbases to choose from between single and dual axle configurations, the highest-specked gen-I Kodiak/TopKick could haul 74,000 lbs (33,565 kg). Boxy as could be with unremarkable rectangles for headlamps and a front grille, there was no indication whatsoever this truck's descendant would one day become a plaything for pro athletes and pop artists with too much money and free time on their hands. This paradigm was also true of the second-gen Kodiak/TopKick based on the GMT530 heavy-duty platform released in the summer of 1989.

The most notable feature of this second-generation Kodiak and TopKick was a front cab derived from the smaller GMT-400 C/K class pickup truck that gave us everything from the Tahoe to the Blazer and the GMC Yukon during the 1990s. It made for a truck that looked like it was hit with the same radiation beam that gave us the Incredible Hulk.

Apart from this, the gen-II Kodiak distinguished itself with as many as six different engine options compared to just one the generation before. In its later years, the type even received the totally-not-excessive 8.1-liter Vortec L18 gasoline V8 as an option. Just in case the 7.2-liter Caterpillar 3126 diesel engine wasn't cutting it in the cubic displacement department.

Even into the third generation starting in 2003, there was no inclination that the GMT560-based Kodiak would be useful for anything but stuffy public busses and utility trucks filled to the brim with plumber's cracks. But that all changed in February 2006 thanks to Chevy's booth at that year's Chicago Auto Show. Evidently, the marketing department for GM trucks at that time knew something profound about the American condition. This fact was that many celebrities out there don't care about trivial things like fuel economy, carbon footprints, or anything to do with good common sense and just want to drive the biggest pickup truck they can find.

Why? Because that's just how Americans roll. Pickup trucks are status symbols here, and if you don't like that, you can kiss our stars-and-stripes-embroidered keisters. In the same vein as the HUMVEE becoming the original Hummer H1, the 2006 Chevy Kodiak C4500 and larger C5500 pickups didn't need to exist. In fact, if stone-cold logic was the only guiding light behind automotive development, this behemoth of a pickup simply wouldn't exist at all. But then again, neither would the Kodiak pickup's main rival, the International RXT. Coincidentally, the similarly heavy-duty-truck-based RXT also made its debut at the Chicago Auto Show in 2006.

It was Monroe Truck Equipment, based out of Monroe, Wisconsin, that was contracted to help build the monstrous C4500 and 5500 Kodiak/TopKick at a facility down the street from Chevy's production plant in Flint, Michigan. With goodies on hand like DVD-based satellite navigation and a center-mounted infotainment screen plus rear screans, cloud-like air suspension, plush cloth or leather seats depending on the trim, a 300 horsepower 6.6-liter Duramax turbodiesel engine, factory four-wheel-drive, and an 8.5-foot (2.6 m) pickup bed capable of hauling 5,000 pounds (2,267.9 kg) in the specked-out Ultimate Class IV TopKick Pickup, there was plenty on offer for those who subscribe to the all-American doctrine of "the bigger, the better." The stack of switches and dials flanking the driver on the right is pretty badass too.

There isn't any dimension of the C4500 and C5500 pickups whether single-cab or crew-cab that isn't massive or comically oversized. In fact, the only small aspect of the Kodiak/TopKick pickup was the in-town fuel economy, an EPA-estimated seven MPG. But, the review team at Car & Driver was able to bump that number up to eight MPG in their test of a TopKick C4500 back in the late 2000s.

That one extra MPG must have meant something special to someone, surely. They probably live in Wisconsin or Michigan. Even the braking distance from 70 mph was a spectacle to behold, doing so in 228 feet according to the same C&D test. With upwards of 14,000 lbs being towed behind this beast, we're sure the braking distance was even more appalling.

The price for it all? A whopping $70,000 for a base model C4500 and upwards of $90 grand for a fully-kitted GMC TopKick. With a reveal date painstakingly close to the worst global recession since the late 1920s, you can see that faithful American spirit of forward-thinking at work on full display here (NOT). Despite the sub-prime mortgage crisis, a ballpark figure of 750 Kodiak and TopKick pickups left GM's Flint, Michigan facility between 2006 and 2009 without counting its non-pickup utility variants.

So then, the downsides. Too big for lots of parking spaces, has awful fuel economy, and most people below a certain stature would struggle to open the rear bed latch several feet above the ground. Oh, and the C4500's eight-foot-tall rooftop might scrape a hole into home garages big enough for most full-sized trucks, but not this one. It sounds like a classic case of American greed, excess, and lack of self-awareness that people in Europe and Asia have come to define as the great American stereotype. But on this Fourth of July, these people can humbly and respectfully "remain upset." Because I still want one deep down.

Why's that? It's because it's the American freedom to drive whatever you darn well please down the U.S. highway, which is the embodiment, neigh, the very essence of the Kodiak/TopKick pickup's appeal. The freedom that American servicemen and servicewomen have been fighting tooth and nail to maintain since 1776. And yeah, things are far from perfect.

For instance, we occasionally go snooping around in the desert for WMDs and turn up with absolutely "diddley," and that can't not be taken into account. But such is the price you sometimes pay to drive down a federally-funded interstate system in a truck so outrageously huge that it'd probably be illegal to do so without a special license in Europe, Asia, or Oceania.

More to the point, there aren't too many places outside of U.S. soil that could even accommodate a truck of the Kodiak's size and tremendous 10,000-plus pounds of weight depending on the specifics. But not to worry when most of the non-coastal United States is big, wide, sparsely populated, and full of people who adore pickup trucks like the Germans and Italians covet mid-engine sports cars.

This land has plenty of room for trucks of this size, that's not the case with say, the U.K. or Japan. Safe to say, a truck the likes of the Kodiak or the TopKick simply doesn't make sense among any other culture in any other part of the world. Heck, there's an argument to be made it doesn't even make sense here in the "These States United" anymore.

But it's like the old "if a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it, did it really happen?" kind of scenario. Meaning, of course, if the international eco-mob detests the Chevy Kodiak and GMC TopKick's existence, but no one cares, is it even worth talking about? I rest my case, that's only mostly a joke. Indeed, it's for this reason that if I was ever offered to drive one of these mega trucks around for a few days, my answer would be in a New York minute. For the simple fact that only in this wonderful country could such a bonkers and unique vehicle exist at all.

Funnily enough, NYC is probably one of the only places in the U.S. where the Kodiak/TopKick legitimately wouldn't work. Awe well, I'll be sure to keep the thing far west of the George Washington Bridge. Oh, and if you want one for yourself, you'll look to spend at least $50,000 for a nice one these days.

From everyone here at autoevolution, we hope you all have a fantastic Fourth of July.