The BMW XM's Existence Is a Travesty, yet It Makes Perfect Sense

When the XM spec sheet was finally published, I frantically opened my email to devour every little bit of information. I know BMW makes good products, and I can attest that BMW M makes excellent cars. So, the M1's spiritual successor was, in my innocent mind at least, bound to be something wildly cool.

First off, it's a plug-in hybrid (PHEV). Great! I like this powertrain because it is the best of both worlds. Until BEVs become the norm, this is the middle ground for people not ready to ditch fossil fuels.
Secondly, it sports the revered S68 V8. Again, great! A car with mean looks and the M badge deserves something enticing under the hood.

But this is where the fun stops. The vehicle weighs a little over 6,000 lb (2,722 kg), has only two rows of seats, doesn't go very far in the all-electric mode, does not outperform competitors, and is crazy expensive.

With a starting MSRP of $159,000, the XM is cheaper than a Urus, but it's $26,000 more expensive than a non-PHEV V8-powered X5 M Competition. Sadly for the XM, both the Urus and the X5 M outpace it in a zero to 60 mph test. Some might argue that it's also losing badly in the driving dynamics section.

Something's not right

What's even worse is that even though the XM and the X5 M are built on the same platform and share nearly all the components, the expensive SUV with split taillights doesn't even have air suspension – it rides on coil springs.

So, why is this BMW XM the first M-exclusive vehicle? How can you go from making the fabulous M1 to an SUV that is slower, heavier, and quirkier than an already excellent product found for quite some time now in the automaker's portfolio? Things don't add up!

Then, there's the exterior styling. The Bavarians wanted a statement, and boy, we got one! With proportions taken from a children's design book, the XM seeks to stand out so severely that it captures everyone's attention. But it doesn't do so in a good way. The headlights don't match the style of the stoplights, and the grille is massive. It makes you think it could hurt anyone's feelings, and the front bumper (depending on the spec) looks like a whale's mouth trying to feed onto everything that stands in its way.

Now try and get a good look at that interesting bodyline that somehow attempts to make the windowed surfaces larger than they are, and all you might see is a vehicle that looks… Well, not pretty!
It could very well play the role of a commuting appliance for an evil leader that preys on people with low incomes until the hero appears in a BMW X5 xDrive50e and restores the balance. Because why would you want an absurdly heavy and partly electrified M SUV when you could equip your garage with a naughty M8 Competition and a climate-conscious X5 PHEV?

It's like BMW wanted a cross-breed between the X5 M Competition and the X5 xDrive50e and decided to put the M engineers on this project as an elaborate joke, and they took it seriously because… Well, they're Germans, after all!

But the math might just be mathin'

The worst thing about this whole BMW M situation is that it has a precedent. Nearly a year ago, I told you about the carmaker's high-performance arm introducing the i4 M50 as its "first fully-electric M car." M-lite or half-M vehicles are generally considered the middle ground. For example, if you don't want the harsh ride of the M8, the M850i is available. So, how can the i4 M50 be BMW M's first battery-electric vehicle? Wouldn't it have been tremendously better to launch a car that can put Tesla's Model 3 Performance into the ground? Just imagine the headlines, the YouTube videos, the social media debates… My God! It would have been great!

No, BMW wanted to give its customers a dual-motor BEV that can is just narrowly better than a Model 3 Performance. They settled. They could have waited to launch a quad-motor zero-tailpipe emission tire-shredding monster, but BMW M decided against it.

But considering the past few years of sales data, one can safely say that the Bavarians are business-savvy. The strategy worked because the i4 M50 was the best-selling M last year.

So, to anyone too busy with life lately, you should know that in today's world, only one thing matters: money. BMW is a for-profit company, so it will always try to appease well-off customers willing to pay top dollar for vehicles that may not be at the top of the automotive food chain but might come with the promise of exclusivity. It's all about the bling, sadly.

The plug-in hybrid BMW XM may not be that great of an M vehicle, but it can make prospective buyers feel like they are getting something lush, exclusive, and fitting to an extrovert's lifestyle. Until the 748-hp (758-ps) Label Red (did Johnnie Walker somehow impact this naming strategy, BMW?) comes around, people willing to splurge now have a BMW-branded behemoth to pick.

All in all, the XM is a byproduct of social media culture, and it might just be another BMW success story. Time will tell. Something that I'm sure of is that we will all see this controversial SUV roaming the Beverly Hills part of many cities.