Driven: 2023 BMW XM Is the Best Ugly Car Ever Made

Luxury in this space ($159,995 MSRP) means quite a lot. For starters, the XM must be well-appointed. It has to have materials that are top-notch, looking and feeling like something ordinary people aren’t supposed to touch. As for tech, the XM has to wow buyers with advanced driver assistance systems, stellar infotainment, and an unrivaled UI. The SUV must perform like a sports car, handling corner carving, launches, and hard driving with ease while making use of a special and involving powertrain. You could argue that a 4.4-liter hybrid twin-turbo V8 with 644 hp (653 ps) and 590 lb-ft (800 Nm) of torque is at least a start.

Design Evaluation

We’re going to skip all that for right now, though, and focus on what everyone will see first: this car’s exterior. Our test car’s shade of black does little to hide the XM’s most controversial feature. The grille is planetary in size. It’s also illuminated on this car, which makes for some interesting viewing at night. The gold-rimmed XM badge is admittedly a nice touch. It does nothing to massage an utterly horrendous face. Clearly, someone with some talent designed it, as the proportions make sense, and the design is cohesive. But it’s just trying too hard. The face looks grafted onto the front end of the new X7, and it just does not work on any level.

However, some elements do work. I love the little BMW roundels in the rear glass and the notches they occupy – a nod to the M1. Funnily enough, the XM is also the first M-only model since the M1. The car’s rear haunches make it appear muscular and athletic. I find the split headlight design strange, but there’s no arguing the DRLs are a very nice touch.

Still, for every element that does work, there are two design choices that don’t. The wheels are chunky and don’t gel with the profile, the rear taillights don’t match the rear of the car, and the XM badge placement looks slapdash. In all, it’s a rather poor design strung on by some highlights.

Interior Assessment

Inside, your eyes are given a break from the raucous visual noise that is the XM’s sheet metal. You’ll find BMW’s latest and greatest infotainment system, iDrive 8, dominates the front passenger cell. The new system is comprised of two screens, one for the driver and one in the center stack. Some vestiges of physical controls remain. A volume knob sits next to a few other media controls, but they are capacitive touch. We’d gladly swap that for some physical climate controls.

The climate system is iDrive’s biggest weakness right now. Open the menu, and you’re treated to a list of climate functions, each of which is seated in an interface that is identical to the one on either side of it. You have to spend way too much time deciphering this. So much so, I would only adjust climate functions at a stop. That’s not very luxurious. Neither are the ventilated seats, proving once again only we, sweaty Americans, can make those work.

Foibles aside, the XM’s interior is a highlight. The seats are absurdly comfortable and infinitely adjustable. Want to sit up high like a truck driver? Done. Low down and angled back like a racing driver? Done. Plus, the massage function ain’t half bad, and it makes long trips easier, circulating blood where your mortal coil cannot.

More than that, the materials inside the XM are certainly befitting a car at this price point. They don’t really compare to much else aside from BMW products. The XM doesn’t have a load of competition – the RS Q8 is too cheap, and the Urus – too expensive.

The Bowers & Wilkins sound system is pretty damn good too. I found that the mids lacked a level of clarity that most high-end sound systems bring. However, the bass is ridiculously rich and punchy, and while the highs fall off some, most won’t notice.

Driving Take

All of this becomes largely irrelevant when you drive the XM – save for two measures. The bolster adjustment in the seats is a BMW staple and a godsend, mostly because you’ll need them for when the XM is pulling off your face.

M’s drive mode adjustment system is clear and to the point, as long as you’re not messing with it on the go. I simply set the M1 preset to a comfort configuration and the M2 preset to kill mode. M traction control is very good, and the XM never so much as slips a wheel on a public road – the wheels are 23x10 in the front and 23x11 in the rear. BMW’s trademark sliding shifter intensity scale adds some theater, snapping your head about like a dog with a toy. It did make me a little tired when pushing the car, however.

This is largely where complaints about how the XM drives end. It is, in a word, phenomenal. We’ve had really fast SUVs for a while now, but the way the XM’s body feeds information to the driver still beggars belief. The suspension isn’t hard by any means, but road surfaces are expertly translated and body control is communicative rather than obtrusive. BMW has also largely solved its Achilles’ heel – at least here.

I’m talking about steering. Previous M or M-ish products haven’t quite been up to snuff in this respect. I remember driving the M240i and nearly having a code brown after the Forza-derived steering failed to communicate understeer properly. This isn’t an issue in the XM, but a better idea of the limits of grip would still be welcome.

Then again, it’s just about impossible to find this limit on a public road. I’ve driven a smattering of the go-fast SUVs from BMW, Audi, and Merc, but this is the first time I truly felt one was better off on the track.

The power is explosive, of course, with the hybrid system working in well in tandem with the 4.4-liter V8. It’s best at full tilt, as the switch from full electric to V8 noise can be a little rough. You won’t notice at speed, though, largely because the XM is too busy warping the road to its will. At one point, I looked down expecting to see two digits and instead, found three very large ones staring back. Very few things accelerate like the XM, and fewer still pull so hard for so long.

Everyday Living

All of that is enough to make anyone giggle, especially with the pops and bangs the exhaust spits out on the overrun. But what made me laugh (with a healthy dose of incredulity) was the XM’s ability to shut it all down and be an EV with a simple tap of the M Hybrid selector. Three modes are offered: eControl, for maximum energy recovery, Hybrid, for well, hybrid things, and Electric for fully silent cruising.

The XM feels incredibly multifaceted because of this trio of drive modes, but the 25.7 kWh battery pack charges slowly – as do many other hybrids – at just 7.4 kW. Thankfully, the XM can charge in roughly three hours without the aid of Level 2 chargers. Sadly, this does nothing for fuel economy. I struggled to hit 18 MPG.

Happily, you’re too coddled by the XM to notice. With the right drive mode settings, the XM is more X than M – a German luxury product clearly made by people that have been at this sort of thing for quite a long time. We’ve gone over the seats, but the ride does some lifting as well. My only complaint with it is the 23-inch wheels. They feel like they add some chop to the ride that a smaller set could perhaps fix. Other than that, the car is phenomenally comfy.

Despite its size, getting about in the XM isn’t painful either. BMW’s parking software is masterful, ensuring the XM will find a way into a spot no matter what, even if you may struggle to climb out. I had to go out of the trunk after overestimating this.

The other software working to temper the sharp pains of everyday driving is BMW’s ADAS system. The software has massively improved over the last several years, and it’s now one of the best. Drivers can set a speed and following distance, and the system will do 99% of the work from there. Obviously, this can be tempting when you’re easily distracted, but BMW’s software does a good job of making sure you stay attendant. A particular highlight is the lane-change assistant, which is aggressive enough to not be a huge pain to use, unlike other systems from the German competition.

Test Drive Roundup

So, where does all this information leave the XM? It is, after all, the new M halo product, and thus the pinnacle of all things BMW. At first look, it’s easy to scoff at M’s latest. It is so painfully ugly that it’s almost difficult to take it seriously. A friend told me they “wish it looked like a car, not a meme,” and I can’t put it any more succinctly than that.

Turn the key – well, actually you push a button – and it’s pretty easy to forget the Angry Birds looks. The XM manages to flawlessly blend luxury, technology, and stunning performance into an incredible package it’s basically impossible to argue with from behind the wheel. Sure, it may stand in an odd place with no real direct competitor, but an M car needn’t concern itself with the competition, and like the looks or not, this is a real M car.

Pros

• Baffling speed
• Hybrid powertrain enables luxurious electric-only cruising
• Infinitely customizable, from seats to audio and performance
• V8. Enough said
• Fantastic interior

Cons

• Just look at it
• Look again
• One more time
• Struggles to switch from electric to gas power
• V8 fuel economy despite hybrid powertrain
• Could be louder