Spitbank Fort Floating Fortress Could Be Your Very Own Villain’s Lair

As far as outstanding real estate goes, this is perhaps the crème de la crème: a former military fort that is actually a floating fortress in the English Channel, in Solent, near Portsmouth, England, is on the market. Once it was decommissioned, it served as a museum and, until 2020, a luxury hotel. The new owner could choose to convert it into a private residence.

Spitbank Fort, also known as Spit Sand Fort or Spit Fort, is one of the three sea forts built for the British Military to serve as a defense for the Solent docks, with a 150-year heritage that would make the biggest snob in the world proud. It’s technically a man-made island but shaped like a fortress, and it’s the smallest of the three, with 49.4 meters (162 feet) in diameter at the base.

Construction was completed in 1878 and includes armor plating on the seaward side. Between 1956 and 1982, it was disused, after which it was turned into a museum. In 2009, it went through a complete and expensive restoration and overhaul along with the other two forts, Horse Sand Fort and No Man’s Land Fort (which are also up for grabs, in case you’re feeling extra flush with cash), and was turned into a luxury boutique hotel.

Because of the developments of 2020 and due to its location at sea, Spitbank could not open for business in the summer, when all other hotels and restaurants did. As such, it’s being listed with Strutt & Parker as a boutique retreat on three floors, including everything from a jacuzzi and sundeck, to a wine cellar, freshwater well, and restaurant. Your future dream home.

In total, there are nine bedrooms for guests across two levels, in addition to crew quarters. The rooms are arranged in concentric circles around an interior yard, and the views out to sea are said to be breathtaking. At the bottom level you can find the restaurant and the wine cellar, while the third one houses two sundecks, a lounge area with a firepit, a crow’s nest for more panoramic views, and plenty of space to host a considerably large party. Speaking of, Spitbank has a total guest capacity of 60 people and has been used as a wedding venue in the past.

Other amenities include a library, sauna, two different kitchens, a victory bar (where one drinks after defeating the enemy in battle, we assume), and rooms furnished in a decadent if a tad outdated style. You can see a (rather old) video presentation of the place as a hotel at the bottom of the page.

The current owners of Spitbank say that they have plans to keep the hotel open even after the sale, but the listing clearly says that it could easily be converted into anything from a private residence to a floating casino or some type of training center. The final word belongs to anyone with £4,000,000 ($5.4 million at today’s exchange rate) to spare.

That said, that person could very well be a James Bond villain because this property has all the bearings of a villain’s lair. It’s remote and secluded, it’s at sea so not immediately accessible, it’s luxurious, and it’s the kind of thing only an eccentric would splurge on.

Should any such villain be reading this, worry not about commuting to and from your fortress: the listing notes it’s 15 minutes away from Gunwharf Quays by boat and 20 minutes by helicopter from Central London. Or you could take the train, but you’re a villain and no respectable villain with this kind of cash travels by public transport.