17-Cylinder AWD Turbo Stick-Shift Drag Race: 700-HP Audi S2 vs. 600-HP VW Golf vs Audi S5

These cars that I refer to are impervious to computer viruses (or computers in general, since they don’t have one) but are way more fun than anything carbon-fiber-clad from this space age of laser-sharp precision and cybernetic-accurate build. Remember the good old early nineties and their fabulously fast machines? Well, I neither because said automobiles weren’t renowned for their mile-per-hour prowess.

However, they had a lot of expansion potential, particularly in the hands of a skilled mechanic (I almost typed ‘mechanician’ because that was the official nomenclature at the dawn of the horseless age). Take the following 1991 Audi S2 as an example from the not-so-archaic past, imbued with some magic of the more recent era. Courtesy of the nice chaps over at the Officially Gassed - OG YouTube channel, this relic of the past millennium is pitted against one of its younger descendants, a 2017 Audi S5.

By now, it’s clear that both cars are heavily tuned (the S2 is fully built), and they’re worlds apart in almost every aspect, bar the quadruplet rings on the radiator grille. The venerable S2 is from 1991, the year the moniker made its world debut, and it still carries the 2.2-liter straight-five turbo engine. Errr… it carries a 2.2-liter five-cylinder powerplant with a turbocharger strapped to it, not the stock unit the Germans fitted under its hood 33 years ago.

The current architecture outputs north of 650 horsepower, nearly three times as much as the original setup, sent to all four corners via the signature Quattro all-wheel-drive system that’s been passed down from generation to generation to the six-cylinder three-liter V6 in the 28-year-newer S5 from 2017. Surprisingly, the modern, bigger engine produces less power (around 600 hp) than its forefather. Still, its power-to-weight ratio is massively under the 1991 coupe.

419 bhp/ton vs. 382 bhp/ton leaves little to the imagination, but there’s a catch – as always: power is only as good as the car’s ability to put it down, in other words, transmission. The four-door sedan S5 has an eight-speed automatic gearbox, while the old-timer relies on a six-speed manual. This is where traditional iron-working techniques come into play, as the three-pedal piece of history leaves the shiny youngster in the dust in the first race.

A rolling start sprint to the quarter-mile mark somehow isn’t manageable for the S5’s automatic tranny – or for its driver. The endpoint is that the new Audi comes last, so the second race is the final chance for the B9 V6 to redeem itself.

And it does so, albeit only just, with the S2 coming in hot for the kill. Round three is a major disappointment, as the new (and, in theory, better-engineered) racer grenades the intake manifold and calls it a day. (Funny enough, the S2 driver also owns an auto shop, where the S5 was treated for its sickness).

Old is better. At the end of the story, there’s the plot twist: another challenger is stepping up against the ‘winner by forfeit’ Audi S2. The 1991 car is not the veteran in the shootout this time, as the adversary is a VW Golf from the same year. Obviously, no bone-stock Mk II Golf in his right turbo-charged induction would fare against the savage S2 and its driver’s razor-sharp shifts. Nonetheless, this old VW is no joke either.

With an R30T three-liter VR6, the rowdy Volkswagen makes 600 hp and 700 Nm, equivalent to 480 bhp/ton. That’s because the tiny three-door German smokin’-hot hatchback weighs 1.25 tons, even with the extra bulk of the 4WD system. Correct, there weren’t too many 4x4 Mk II Golf automobiles sold in the UK (less than 1,000 VW Golf Syncro –the official name of the all-wheel-driven version – found a buyer between 1986 and 1989).

This particular racer sports a Haldex coupling to send power to the rear and a long list of power mods (check the gallery for a complete rundown) to run with the big boys. Of course, it is a turbo, and the six-speed manual makes the battle about as even as possible (minus the obvious weight difference). Except the S2 has a secret weapon up its turbo – the driver can adjust the boost to 700 hp.

And yet the feisty VW puts up one heck of a fight and takes the first standing quarter-mile (with the added note that the Audi has a passenger in the left seat and was late off the line). However, it makes up for its shortcomings in the following two races, taking an easy overall win.

With 11.24 seconds across the 440-yard dash (132.77 mph/213.62 kph), the S2 makes swift work of this drag race reunion. The VW achieved a personal best of 11.55 seconds at 124.78 / 200.77 kph).

They may be old cars, but their zero-to-sixty times are worth a double thumbs-up: 3.39 seconds for the Audi and 3.61 for the Golf – with old-school, analog pedal-and-stick shifting. Hands down to the drivers for their skill, too. Since modern cars relegate the human factor to little more than a steering wheel holder and accelerator actuator, it's these classic machines that really make the smiles per gallon well worthwhile.

[YOUTUBE= https://youtu.be/TqYKf87zrHE]