Savage BMW Wagon Picks a Fight With 1,000-HP Porsche 911, Audi R8TT, Doesn't Back Down

In order of their overall Le Mans wins, Porsche, Audi, and BMW are three names that need literally zero appraisal for their high-speed habits. However, tuners are more than happy to make great cars even more bonkers, and this will only lead to one possible outcome: a race.

Now, Porsche and Audi have the means to plant the flag in the sportscar/supercar street-legal territories of automotive, but BMW is out of this game. There isn’t a single automobile in the Bavarian line-up that can claim such nobility lineage. Luckily, a drag race is something that doesn’t care about coats of arms, bloodlines, or other pompous genealogy. All it takes is raw power and a long strip of tarmac with a 440-yard-long section.

Sanctioned by the Officially Gassed YouTube channel, the events portrayed in the video involve a tuned Porsche 911, a tuned Audi R8, and a tuned BMW M3 Competition Touring. While the first two are well within their birth rights to hunt each other down, the Beemer is from a different league. It has the same number of doors as its rivals combined, and it can carry more occupants than the two of them put together. So, what’s it doing here?

Giving its co-nationals a hard time because the Most Powerful Letter in the Alphabet gives it the right to sit at the high table. As I’ve mentioned, all three racers are tuned to roughly 1,000 hp (some 1,014 PS) – the BMW is actually the underdog, with only 970 hp. Because it is a station wagon, it weighs 220 lbs (100 kg) over the Audi R8 and a hefty 580 lbs (265 kg) above the Porsche.

In descending order: BMW M3 Competition Touring: 1,865 kg (4,111 lbs); Audi R8: 1,670 kg (3,682 lbs); and Porsche 911 Turbo S: 1,600 kg (3,527 lbs). The YouTubers have done the pre-race math, and the power-to-weight ratios also give the Porsche the upper hand, not just its cutthroat fame. The Rearing Horse of Stuttgart puts down 625 bhp/ton, marginally better than the Audi’s 598 bhp/ton and devastatingly more than the Beemer’s 520 bhp/ton rating.

All three cars utilize their wheels to their maximum potential, meaning they all have all-wheel drive systems. They also have a couple of turbochargers strapped to their engines – the Porsche was built in this manner from the factory, but the other two received aftermarket transplants.

Coincidentally, the Porsche 911 and the Audi R8 are from the same model year (2016), while the BMW is a few years younger. It would not matter much since all three received a full set of high-performance internals to develop tremendous power (the 911 even has a methanol injection kit).

According to paper estimates, the M3 is the ugly duckling sitting in the crosshairs of the other two German speed demons. However, paper is good for only so many things – the BMW gaps the Audi without batting an eyelid in three of the four races.

The Porsche takes it all – winning every roll and drag race, adding yet another 911 on the Officially Gassed top 15 leaderboard, and taking the total headcount to 8. That’s how many 911s are up there in the AWD quqrter0-mile times, and today’s contender can only settle for last place, with a 9.73-second standing quarter at 147.84 mph (237.92 kph).

The BMW and the Audi supercar with a Lamborghini V10 engine came very close to one another, with 10.05-sec and 10.24-sec ETs, at 144.48 mph and 142.74 mph, respectively (232.51 kph and 229.71 kph). The 911 scores the best 0-60 time of the day, with a 2.45-second personal best, while the runner-up (the M3) only achieved a 2.60-second time. The R8, freshly built and not fully dialed in, was slightly off-pace for the day, so it managed 2.85 seconds in the zero-to-sixty acceleration test (0-97 kph).

One final note about the station wagon holiday driver BMW M3 Competition Touring: during a previous showdown in the Officially Gassed drag races, it set a personal record of 2.37-second 0-60 mph. It's not too bad for a car with enough luggage space to haul a family of five (and their pet alligator) on a round trip to Easter Island and back.