Temporary Clarkson Replacement Wanted For The Grand Tour

Jeremy Clarkson 1 photo
Photo: YouTube screenshot
The Grand Tour team isn't doing very well. You've probably heard about Hammond's run-in with the Rimac Concept_One, which led to the former's hospitalization and the latter's scrappage.
Well, that's not the only bit of bad news affecting the trio of presenters for Amazon Prime's re-enaction of BBC's Top Gear series going by the name of the Grand Tour. It looks like Jeremy Clarkson managed to catch pneumonia, and the disease was severe enough to prompt the lanky Brit to say it nearly killed him.

We'll ignore the fact that Hammond escaped from a pile of soon to be ignited metal (twice) and didn't complain one bit, while his non-rodent colleague made a big deal out of a more severe flu, and focus on the fact that the show currently has only one fully-functioning host. And we're talking about James May, so "fully-functioning" might not be the best two words to describe him.

This is what led Amazon to list a position opening called "TV Host Temporary" on its Amazon Jobs website. The description goes on for a bit, but we'll do our best to select the best parts. On second thought, we'll just reproduce it in its entirety here.

Amazon Prime Video is seeking a host for an original TV series to be seen around the world.

Currently, this is a temporary position to cover an absence due to pneumonia.

The successful applicant will join a long-established team of variously sized co-hosts and possess a strong knowledge of cars, metaphors and progressive rock music.

This host will have a proven track record in effectively dealing with colleagues that they find annoying and being lost in unknown locations. They must be entertaining, engaging and willing to pause before delivering the final word or words of some sentences.

Please note: Preference will be given to especially tall candidates with curly hair.

· This role will work closely with the existing hosts, with duties including (but not limited to) accidentally setting things on fire, handling heavy machinery (badly) and being able to bloody-mindedly argue a point that no one will ever agree.
· Driving the world’s fastest and most exciting cars while talking to camera. Ability to do this without crashing would be considered an advantage, but not essential (apparently).

· Valid driver’s license
· British English including advanced qualification in exaggeration and braggadocio
· At least 6.5+ million followers on Twitter or similar social media network

· The successful applicant will be required to wear vast amounts of pre-washed denim (attire provided in sizes that are slightly too small)

Yeah, I wouldn't bother applying for the job even if I did fulfill all the criteria listed unless I were Jeremy Clarkson's unknown better twin.
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About the author: Vlad Mitrache
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"Boy meets car, boy loves car, boy gets journalism degree and starts job writing and editing at a car magazine" - 5/5. (Vlad Mitrache if he was a movie)
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