Popular Performance Cars and Their Dog Breed Equivalent

VW Up! GTI 8 photos
Photo: Volkswagen
VW Up! GTIToyota GT86Tesla Model XMINI Cooper SHyundai i30NAudi TT RSNissan GT-R
Normally when you are shopping around for a performance car, you don’t really search based on hard, technical facts. Or even if you do, they don’t constitute the only decision making factors - it’s as much a rational decision as it is one you make with your heart, based on feelings which are unquantifiable.
This is just like choosing a dog breed. Part of the decision stems from analyzing that breed’s traits, but equally important is how a particular type of dog makes you feel. Making an informed, healthy decision (which you won’t regret later) brings the two together and you love the puppy you bring home more, because it’s exactly what you wanted.

Still don’t believe me (performance) cars are like dogs? Take the VW Up! GTI, a small, agile but not very powerful hot hatch with a flat face. It is undeniably the pug of the automotive world, and a spritely pug at that. It’s not very powerful, but it’s quicker than you expect and you can’t but smile when you’re in the presence of one.

MINI Cooper S
Photo: Mini
Another dog whose face is flat and whose body is stubby is the bulldog, and what better car to compare that to than the MINI Cooper S. This hot hatch is muscular, very powerful and it makes a strong noise when breathing out - bulldogs are known to be prone to having trouble breathing, while the Cooper S (specced with the automatic gearbox) sounds a lot like this breed of dog snoring when you lift off or shift up at high rpms.

The Siberian husky is a dog renowned for its speed and ability to maintain traction in low grip conditions (i.e. snow). That makes it a lot like the Audi TT RS, a 2.5-liter five-cylinder turbo coupe whose all-wheel drive system ensures it goes where you point it even on roads that are far from dry - it has to be the automotive equivalent of this breed, or at least an individual that’s well trained and highly obedient.

Toyota makes the GT86 knowing full well it’s not the fastest thing on four wheels. But where the GT86 makes up for in terms of lack of power is with agility. There are few cars as nimble, controllable and predictable as it, which makes it the automotive equivalent of the Jack Russel terrier.

Toyota GT86
Photo: Toyota
The Hyundai i30N is just like a Yorkshire terrier. This pooch was originally bred for rabbit and hare hunting, so it’s not only fast and quick to turn, but it also barks a lot (for easier location by humans during a hunt). The i30N has all of these traits, including the bark, only in its case it comes from its ridiculously raspy exhaust that pops and bangs whenever you lift off the gas.

The Nissan GT-R has to be the automotive equivalent of the Whippet dog. This breed is related to the greyhound, but it’s a bit smaller and more agile. It’s one of the fastest dogs in the world, but, more importantly, it’s widely believed to be the fastest accelerating dog on the planet too.

The Kangal shepherd dog, originally from Turkey, is big, extremely powerful and highly protective. This type of big dog is surprisingly fast for its size (and especially its weight) but its most memorable trait is that it has the most powerful bite of any canine species in the world - its jaws have been recorded as being able to exert a whopping 743 pounds per square inch of force (that’s more than the average lion). All of these traits combined make it a lot like the Tesla Model X Performance, because it's quiet and unassuming and it can break your neck in an instant.
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