Top Gear: From A-Z Is a Sorry Excuse for a Christmas Special Episode

We all know that Jeremy Clarkson ended his Top Gear career after he punched a producer in the kisser. Though Oisin Tymon didn’t initially press charges against the guy and the BBC made him an offer to continue aboard the Top Gear juggernaut, Jezza declined because the pressure he was under was compared by a BBC higher-up with Jimmy Savile’s sexual offenses.
Jeremy Clarkson loser gesture 1 photo
Photo: Screenshot from YouTube
Now we have a sneaking suspicion the Beeb regrets this mistake dearly. Cue Top Gear: From A-Z.

We promise you that this is not a joke but the name of the upcoming Top Gear Christmas Special. According to a release published by the BBC, the episode will feature “astonishing footage, insider facts and quirky statistics from the past 13 years of the world’s biggest motoring show.” Stop it right there! The what now? The show you’re trying to turn around 180 degrees with Chris Evans as the helmsman? Good luck with that, buddy, but you’re off the mark. Ambitious, but rubbish.

In plain English, what the BBC describes in the release you can examine below is a best of, a two-part compilation of clips from episodes aired from 2002 through 2015. Correct us if we’re wrong on this one, but Top Gear reruns are the specialty of Dave, a television channel owned by UKTV. As such, the British Broadcasting Corporation’s idea of a Top Gear Christmas Special episode is flawed from the core.

If, however, you need your Top Gear fix badly, you will be happy to find out that the episode airing this December will feature star guests from the Top Gear celebrity fold. To be voiced by John Bishop, Top Gear: From A-Z will also highlight behind-the-scene insights and “a daft alphabet.” The BBC informs that B is for Bark, I is for Inch High, and Q is for Queuing. This makes us wonder about the sixth letter of the alphabet.

Guess what F stands for, dear Beeb higher-ups. F is for fracas. Insert “apply cold water to burn” meme here.

Rant or not, we can all agree that too much Top Gear is never enough. But then again, the Top Gear we all know and love no longer exists under this name. Whatever name Clarkson, Hammond and May will use for their new show on Amazon Prime, that’s where the true Top Gear roller coaster ride can be found.

On an ending note, we hear that the first episode of the new car show will feature a Ferrari LaFerrari vs. McLaren P1 vs. Porsche 918 Spyder segment. Pardon the cheeky reference to The Jam, but that’s entertainment.
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About the author: Mircea Panait
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After a 1:43 scale model of a Ferrari 250 GTO sparked Mircea's interest for cars when he was a kid, an early internship at Top Gear sealed his career path. He's most interested in muscle cars and American trucks, but he takes a passing interest in quirky kei cars as well.
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