Here's How the Mercedes-Benz Voice Assistant Tries To Be Funny (BMW Jokes Are the Best)

But how did it all start? The S-Class sedan was the first to get the first generation of Mercedes' voice control system. It was 1996, and the voice-operated control was called Linguatronic. It wasn’t much it could do. The driver could, for instance, ask it to "Call mom!," enter a new contact in the phone agenda, or switch radio channels. Based on speech-recognition algorithms, it could only recognize 30 words. The second-gen Linguatronic extended speech recognition to 300 words. But the best was yet to come.

In 2018, Mercedes-Benz revealed the MBUX (Mercedes-Benz User Experience at the Consumers Electronics Show in 2018). The S-Class flagship was not the first to receive it, as you'd expect, but the A-Class compact car.

What can the system do? Well, pretty much of what you can by pushing a button, browsing through the menu of the infotainment system while trying to keep your eyes on the road, googling something on your phone (no, don't do that on the move), pulling the roller blind on your sunroof, checking the weather forecast, adjusting onboard temperature, or check how much fuel you have left.

It just does it better, faster, with no effort whatsoever, and spares you the trouble. You know, robots don't get tired, nor do they get upset. Or they are not supposed to. They don't have moods, or if they do, everything can be solved with a – you know what experts say – "reset to factory settings." Rocket science, right?

But the MBUX is not just business. It doesn't just follow voice commands. It's somewhat funny, too. You'll just have to be tolerant here.

Hey, Mercedes! What do you think of BMW?

Owners of connected models have been going up online for years to brag about the answers they have been getting from the system. So we picked the best of them from several forums and Mercedes-Benz Facebook groups, but we also tested the MBUX ourselves. Here is what we got. Spoiler alert: BMW jokes are funny. But we should probably let the BMW owners, – whose sense of humor we have no doubts about – be the judges of that. So here we go!

- Hey, Mercedes! What do you think of BMW??
- It looks good, but only in my rear-view mirror.

And it's got multiple answers to that question. The ones who programmed the system must have quite an intuition.

- Hey, Mercedes, what do you think of BMW?
- The same as you do. Otherwise, we wouldn't be sitting here.

If you come up with an offensive remark on owners of cars from other brands, the system might beg to differ: "Are you having a bad day?" she asks.

Ask her "Who's your father?" And you’ll find a Star Wars enthusiast in there: "It's definitely not Darth Vader!" she replies.

Tell the MBUX that you're bored, and she'll be willing to make the boredom disappear. "I can test your knowledge on capital cities," she proposes.

You can tell MBUX that you're cold or hot, and she will adjust the temperature on board. You can say you want a coffee, and she will indicate the closest coffee shop on your route.

The MBUX is not quite... sentimental

Complain about being tired and she'll find some hotels on the way. But when you feel like having a heart-to-heart conversation, you can't possibly count on your car to share the moment with you. We asked the system:

- Hey, Mercedes! Do you love me?
- Well, (she pauses) you do have a lovely voice.

As for the humor of the system on board the car with the star… Let's just say we have heard better jokes.

- Hey, Mercedes! Tell me a joke!
- Sorry, my engineers are German!

- Hey, Mercedes! Make me laugh, please!
- Sorry, I am too busy watching the road ahead!

An updated version of the system actually tells jokes. But it's ok, you don't necessarily have to laugh. She won't mind.

- Why did the tomato blush?
- Because it saw the salad dressing.

- Why don't oysters donate to charity?
- Because they are shellfish!

- Why is eight afraid of seven?
- Because seven eight (ate) nine.

- Did you hear about the new restaurant in space?
- The food is good, but it has no atmosphere.

- Why did my wife tell me I'm immature?
- Because I asked her to get out of my treehouse!

Yeah, the MBUX was right. Its engineers were German and with a developed sense of… self-irony. But maybe, just maybe a new update will bring new jokes to the repertoire. Still, it's funny to hear the car talking back at you. And sometimes she may seem a bit angry, too. A bit more angry, actually.