A simple widebody kit – consisting of nothing more than fender flares – and a boisterous ducktail spoiler on the rear deck lid do the job. Add a front and rear diffuser and massive 20-inch BBS Super RS forged wheels, and spray-coat everything in pearlescent pink.
Now that's a car for when Barbie gets the chair of the Federal Reserve board – but until then, the infinite internet is all the space this marshmallow laser will inhabit (for now). Fortunately, the B7 can only donate the design for now, as a practical way of transmuting horsepower into Terabytes hasn't been invented.
But that's the beautiful part of Computerland – nothing is impossible, and Mike Dog's 2020 Alpina looks more than happy to lay down on the asphalt. Perhaps it's just preparing for a devastatingly explosive launch to pay homage to its 4.4-liter twin-turbocharged square V8. Well, almost square, with a bore of 89 mm and a stroke of 88.3 (3.503 / 3.476 inches).
But that's not what an Alpina is about, the geometry of the cylinder, but the physics it bends when put under full throttle. The regular 7 Series BMW extracted 444 hp (450 PS) and 479 lb-ft (649 Nm) from the 90°-banked V8. Alpina does things differently but in a hair-raising exhilarating way.
A virtual reality Alpina B7 has no speed limits – or any other sort of limits imposed on it – but a real reality car must obey – albeit loosely – some traffic rules. 3.6 seconds for a standing-start sprint to 62 mph (100 kph) and 205 mph terminal velocity (330 kph).
Not bad at all for a car putting 2.2 tons (unladen weight) on the ground through all four wheels, thanks to a blitz-fast eight-speed ZF automatic transmission. And, if you get the impression that the video is exaggerated when showcasing the lowering Alpina, think twice. The self-leveling suspension has a 35-mm (1.5-inch) travel and will automatically drop 15 mm (0.6 inches) when the car hits 140 mph (230 kph) – or when the driver selects Sport+ Mode.