This week in autoevolution news, we tested the Porsche Macan, Mercedes' new AMG 4-liter makes a sound and a lot of Golf fans are gathered in Austria to see a video game car. But you guys didn't come to the editorial section for that. You came to be entertained, as we read between the lines to give a more realistic take on the industry. You think you know, but you have no idea!
Something nobody ever talks about with all these expensive toys we love is how much time they spend parked at the Hilton, Ritz or Burj Al Arab. If you think about it, most supercar spotting videos come from places like Monaco's Casino Square, because millionaires have a much cooler lifestyle than you do… sonny boy.
Don’t give us that “track day” bunch of hooey. If you had a Ferrari and a pretty Russian girl with long legs and/or hair, the sweet penthouse with a nice view and big bed sounds great. But what do specific brands of “expensive cars” say about their owners and are there different kinds of “expensive”?
Let's start with the Jaaaag. If you see somebody in an XF or XK, he’s probably the type of guy that tries to make the lady at the front desk giggle, who will try to sneak in a little action on the side… if you know what I mean. He’s the guy who asks the hotel to wash his car for free, drinks all the alcohol, buys replacements from the store and takes the free shampoo with him.
A Tesla on the rocks, Shaken not Stirred. Women of leisure have long learned that programmers are much wealthier than they appear. That's right, I said it!
But the auto industry has been slow to catch on and the first to sell a luxury vehicle for computer geeks are Tesla. In a matter of just a few years, the Model S has become more relevant than an Aston Martin for some reason. Turn up in a EV at a 5-star resort and people will naturally think that you work for Facebook or design apps for a living. Everybody's idea of a big shot nowadays is a level 80 paladin who farms all the kills in LOL and WOW. Hope I got the jargon right!
There’s also the letter ‘x’, which I think should be banned from all automobile names. It makes everything sound like a bad Japanese sportscar if you add it to a word: xBugatti xVeyron with xDrive is xTraordinary. And yet “X6” is literally the most popular word in the Russian language. Half of Russia’s oligarchs have an X-rated car and the rest have Range Rovers or G-Wagons.
If the Tesla guy pays by smartphone transfer, a Rolls-Royce owner is the type that believes evolution is just a theory or that men and women aren't really equal. Somebody please make a good Grey Poupon dijon joke, because I’ve used up all my good ones this week!
So what about the other Brits? With some exceptions, if you pull up in a brand new Bentley the concierge will think "Oh look, another rapper or football player. Put the Cristal on ice and bring the dancing girls out!" It’s the same for Ferraris and Lamborghinis, of course.
Let me just explain for a second why people with Lamborghinis who stay in the penthouse suite are cool. See, what you and I think we need to do is to save money, put it in a bank and get 1% interest per year. By the time you’re 60, you too might enjoy cool hobbies like cutting grass on Sundays or standing in line at the post office. From a distance, the Lambo guy looks like he’s spending everything in the hope that he dies of venereal disease before he enters his 50s. Jealous much?
If you have an experience of staying at a big hotel and seeing one of these “characters” with expensive cars, feel free to tell us that story!
Don’t give us that “track day” bunch of hooey. If you had a Ferrari and a pretty Russian girl with long legs and/or hair, the sweet penthouse with a nice view and big bed sounds great. But what do specific brands of “expensive cars” say about their owners and are there different kinds of “expensive”?
Let's start with the Jaaaag. If you see somebody in an XF or XK, he’s probably the type of guy that tries to make the lady at the front desk giggle, who will try to sneak in a little action on the side… if you know what I mean. He’s the guy who asks the hotel to wash his car for free, drinks all the alcohol, buys replacements from the store and takes the free shampoo with him.
A Tesla on the rocks, Shaken not Stirred. Women of leisure have long learned that programmers are much wealthier than they appear. That's right, I said it!
But the auto industry has been slow to catch on and the first to sell a luxury vehicle for computer geeks are Tesla. In a matter of just a few years, the Model S has become more relevant than an Aston Martin for some reason. Turn up in a EV at a 5-star resort and people will naturally think that you work for Facebook or design apps for a living. Everybody's idea of a big shot nowadays is a level 80 paladin who farms all the kills in LOL and WOW. Hope I got the jargon right!
There’s also the letter ‘x’, which I think should be banned from all automobile names. It makes everything sound like a bad Japanese sportscar if you add it to a word: xBugatti xVeyron with xDrive is xTraordinary. And yet “X6” is literally the most popular word in the Russian language. Half of Russia’s oligarchs have an X-rated car and the rest have Range Rovers or G-Wagons.
If the Tesla guy pays by smartphone transfer, a Rolls-Royce owner is the type that believes evolution is just a theory or that men and women aren't really equal. Somebody please make a good Grey Poupon dijon joke, because I’ve used up all my good ones this week!
So what about the other Brits? With some exceptions, if you pull up in a brand new Bentley the concierge will think "Oh look, another rapper or football player. Put the Cristal on ice and bring the dancing girls out!" It’s the same for Ferraris and Lamborghinis, of course.
Let me just explain for a second why people with Lamborghinis who stay in the penthouse suite are cool. See, what you and I think we need to do is to save money, put it in a bank and get 1% interest per year. By the time you’re 60, you too might enjoy cool hobbies like cutting grass on Sundays or standing in line at the post office. From a distance, the Lambo guy looks like he’s spending everything in the hope that he dies of venereal disease before he enters his 50s. Jealous much?
If you have an experience of staying at a big hotel and seeing one of these “characters” with expensive cars, feel free to tell us that story!
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