The last time most of us heard anything about the Segway company, it was likely after laughing under our breath as a group of tourists riding one of their personal hoverboards crossed a major intersection in their unfortunate choice of headwear, boat shoes, and salmon-colored shorts. Completely oblivious to how rediculous they all look.
In 2021, they’ve made a machine with a much higher potential for thrills. Nowadays, the Segway brand is under the control of a company called Ninebot, and it appears the new owners are not content with just making meme-worthy personal transportation. Their new Mecha Kit sports two joysticks, triggers, and a comfortable chair to sit in.
In short, the all-new Ninebot Mecha Kit is the mechanized tank simulator we’ve always wanted, but were sure was too absurd to ever exist, what a time to be alive. This $500 lump of metal, plastic, and switches is powered by the same Ninebot S-pro, Ninebot S, or Ninebot S Kids hoverboard motors found in the Segways ridden by Mr. and Mrs. Clueless Tourist.
All with the added functionality to operate as a legitimate light-hearted tank for children, minus the real guns, of course. The two joysticks at either side of the vehicle control its movement in all directions. Special sensors detect when human hands have gripped the controls, ensuring the vehicle doesn’t spontaneously roll away like a stick shift that’s failed to be put in neutral properly.
For liability’s sake, the promotional video included for the Mecha kit shows all participants wearing safety helmets and eye protection. But that just enhances the feeling like you’re in control of a genuine armored mechanized vehicle.
These machines fire water-based projectiles that are softer than paintballs and less annoying than the cheap rubber darts found in most children’s rifle toys. The only question at this point is, which parents would actually be bonkers enough to gift their little ankle biters such a bad-ass but potentially very annoying play-thing? If one of those is your parents, we’re all jealous.
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