Bad Idea of the Year Award Goes to 800-HP Twin-Turbo Audi R8 AWD Racing a 220-HP Aprilia

England is very much in love with quarter-milers – after all, they spread the imperial system worldwide. Curiously, it caught on solid roots in the most republican place on Planet Go-Fast – America. Back in the days of horse power, cowboys would race their quarter horses across one-quarter of a statute mile.

When the age of horsepower dawned and shoved the equine transportation aside, drivers kept the distance: switched reins with steering wheels and floored it. Drag racing was the new yardstick to measure motor might and driver prowess. But one particular category of freedom riders refused to leave the saddle. However, technology forced them to abide by the heavy-gauge metal rules of the day, and two-wheeled motorcycles replaced four-legged stallions.

And this is how the segregation between motorbikes and motor wagons began – and endures to this day. Cars were lagging behind in nearly every aspect, short of comfort and (relative safety) for a very long time. Due to their innate nimble architecture, speed, acceleration, cornering, and handling – bikes had the upper hand.

However, with engineering never settling on making progress, cars have gained power and lost weight. Or, more accurately described, their power-to-weight ratios came closer to 1:1, putting them on par with motorcycles. Finally, four-wheeled vehicles had what it took to take the fight to their nemesis. Take the following video as just one more episode of this endless joust: a tuned Aprilia RSV4 Factory crosses gloves with a twin-turbo V10 Audi R8 AWD.

Courtesy of Officially Gassed YouTube Channel, the race (filmed about two months ago) is a promising one. The modified Audi puts down 800 hp, grossing a net 495 hp/ton – drastically lower than the Italian missile. The Aprilia clocks in at 820 hp/ton, thanks to its 220-hp output from the 1,100-CC narrow V4. But, despite its 190 kg featherweight rating, the motorcycle’s specs are heavily altered by the rider’s mass of 77 kg (170 lbs).

If we were to compute the absolute values, the Aprilia would tip the scale at 1,158 hp/ton, over twice what the R8 has in hand. And let’s keep in mind that the driver’s mass is left out of the initial equation. For the sake of argument, let’s approximate it at 75 kg (165 lbs); with the new values, the R8’s power-to-weight factor drops to 473 hp/ton.

But this all-wheel drive cutthroat German athlete with a 5.2-liter, ten-cylinder Italian heart (Grazie Lamborghini!) has been on this track before and scored big. Or low, depending on how we look: in a previous battle, the R8 dropped the quarter-mile mic in the high 9s and stopped the stopwatch in less than 3 seconds in the 0-60 mph (97 kph) sprint.

Alas, the Aprilia isn’t fond of mathematics, preferring to stick to hard, cold facts of the day. And on this occasion, the rider makes the most out of it, putting the R8 behind on every single instance. Granted, the AWD Lamborghini in an Audi suit is marred by mechanical issues, but just look at how the speedo jumps from zero to triple digits on the bike.

Also note that the biker turned off every electronic aid, keeping it raw and analog for a better ride feel. And, since this is the first time he’s been involved in a showdown over the mandatory 440-yard strip, a keen eye will notice the starts weren’t the best in the world. The Ape (for non-riders: that’s the affectionate nickname of Aprilias) bogged down, as the rider shifted too soon (the ear-meter will easily detect low-revs range).

Even so, the RSV4 factory wrapped up the standing quarter in 10.44 seconds, at 147 mph (236.5 kph), scoring a 3.14-second sprint in the 0-62 mph (100 kph) dash. The Italian stallion needed just 4.33 extra clicks to blast to 124 mph (200 kph). As for its rival, failing computers bootlegged the rapid R8 into the losing side of the podium.

The Audi only managed a personal best of 5.57 seconds in the 62-124 mph and covered the 1,320 feet of dragstrip in 11.76 seconds at a trap speed of 126 mph (203 kph). Despite its all-wheel drive advantage, the hefty coupe couldn’t accelerate as quickly as the motorcycle – the 0-60 mph (97 kph) time of 3.95 seconds is a telltale sign of its probability to take the checkered flag.

Yes, in full fighting form, the Audi would have been a much tougher nut for the Aprilia – the bike rider himself openly admits it. Today's winner gives the Audi R8 its due when saying the car could have taken the victory were it to be at the top of its game.

Meanwhile, four-wheel fans claim that a short burst over a quarter mile isn’t enough to settle the debate about the fastest. But even with a mile-long (or even longer) arrow-straight slab of concrete at their disposal, the Aprilia would have had the first chance: with all its modifications, this particular example will happily stretch wits legs to 215 mph (346 kph).