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Porsche Über Alles...

... In a perfect world everyone would be convicted to drive a Porsche. Politicians, instead of slacking off with stupid and egocentric speeches, should finally pass a real and fair law. All men should be obligated to a Porsche. You want a small "city" car? 911 Turbo for the gentlemen and a Targa for the ladies. There are also Cabrio and all-wheel drive variants for the ones who desire something else.

Want something bigger and roomier? The Cayenne already has a multitude of versions, so no one can complain. Don't forget there are also a bunch of tuner variants! You want a sedan? OK, we have one of those as well. The Panamera's four-seat interior layout is expecting you. It can offer comfort, interior space, safety, class and an amount of luxury items impossible to get in other "premium" sedans.

For the ones who desire something special, there is always a Boxster or a Cayman to make you dream about the white and sunny shores in the Maldives...

See how easy it can be? Everything is organized, clear, with its own place. Without a hundred useless models, without cars which promise you the world in lying commercials, without pompous launches of "all-new" models which are actually re-designed chassis from some twenty years ago, without all the stuff that breaks all day, ruining our days with sensors that light up in a continuous aurora borealis. No more crappy cars!

Everyone switches to Porsche. You will own a car which is always powerful enough, extremely stable, amazingly well-finished, fantastically well-proportioned and, above all, created with passion and respect.

Created by the minds of engineers who rarely smile, who eat only out of necessity and go out just to drive to work or pick up their children from day-care. Cars which, obviously, aren't unbreakable, but if something goes wrong, it goes wrong for a good reason. And it does rarely. Very rarely. And even when they break, they do it with class and in style. The sensor reporting the error almost apologies for it.

It's almost unbelievable to see how many people choose to make their lives hard by testing a bunch of "cheap" but, oh-so-common, flavorless and meaningless cars, especially compared to a Porsche.

You see, a Porsche is more than just the average humdrum vehicle you're driving now. Yes! It's a car which, albeit it doesn't want to be "The ultimate driving machine" – like the marketing department of someone else is bragging, will offer you more than just stupid, "cart-like" handling. People who praise their cars only for this little detail spend most of their time in service stations, with their ridiculously susceptible to weather, climate, gas, roads, etc. cars.

A Porsche will offer you the so-called "peace of mind" others are trying to achieve for their customers, but it will also offer you plenty of power, a real engine and last but not least, safety! Safety at a fantastic level. And I'm talking about things that happen in real life, not those ridiculous tests where a scared little mouse is perversely lured with a sliced of Camembert and then delicately slammed into a deformable barrier.

Let's have a revolution! Let's make a petition and claim our right to the perfect car. So that everyone can drive a Porsche! A Porsche in every garage, one for each family. One that is painted green so the ecologists can stop "barking" about the pollution it emits. We should maybe even put a sticker with "I heart Earth" on it, along with a link to an association which fights for saving the purple whales in a random ocean. We'll do anything, just as long as each and every one out there can drive a Porsche!

If some people are militating for the tanned green kangaroos or for the yellow-eyed white cats, why shouldn't we militate for a Porsche? Why shouldn't we save this dying species? Porsche must be saved! They need to keep making the cars they're making now. Porsche shouldn't evolve in a subsidiary of the Volkswagen mogul, who is building cars for the only purpose of breaking sales records and making money.

Saving Porsche doesn't necessarily mean they should come out with a hundred new models, nor does it mean they should change the quality policy they're still having.

Buy a Porsche, help saving the species! Ask for your rights in front of your wife, your parents or any other person capable/willing of financing your desire.

It's worth it!

 
 
 
 
 

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