Alright, so if you want any of this to make sense, you should go watch the new BMW film 'The Escape' first (you can find it at the bottom of this page as well), and then come back to see whether we've missed something important. So, here goes our list:
1. Dakota Fanning has a bit of a mustache thing going on. Luckily for her, it's blonde. Anyway, plus one for the original look. Oh, wait, she was a clone.
2. Jon Bernthal is incapable of playing a good guy. Actually, it's more like filmmakers aren't very good at casting him in one. Oh well, at least he makes a very convincing baddy. We just hope his family doesn't feel the same way.
3. The Hummer H1 is very much alive. Not only that, but it has no problem keeping up with a 2017 BMW 5 Series. That is scary, to say the least. It's like finding out that hippopotami could have hunted cheetahs all this time, but they just didn't feel like it.
4. If you're ever involved in a tug of war between a BMW 5 Series (going in reverse, no less) and a helicopter and you get to choose sides, make sure you opt for the Bavarian car. Of course, it helps if said tug of war happens in a movie. Especially if it's one sponsored by BMW.
5. If you ever plan on saving a cloned girl from an evil corporation, make sure you don't tick the box next to the 'sunroof' option when speccing the car. It gives Jon Bernthal one less place where he can grapple his hook.
6. If somebody is named 'Five,' they might be a clone. 'One,' 'Two,' 'Three' or any other cardinal number are just as likely to hide some genetic tinkering. Even though lazy parents might name their triplets that.
7. Evil corporations are very strict about their branding, so even if they'll go shooting at the FBI, they'll still make sure the company's logo is easily seen on the bullet vest.
8. The fact that you're good at something only means the chances of failure increase with each outing. The moral of the story? Don't be good at anything. Statistically speaking.
9. It's courteous to wait for somebody to land on your hood, latch a helicopter to your sunroof and shoot a few rounds before reversing. Reversing out of the way and letting him hit the pavement is just bad manners.
10. If you ever want to do something dubious, go to a port. Nobody there seems to care about any weird happenings, so you'll be alright. If fact, we wouldn't be surprised if aliens had already landed in a port at one time and, upset nobody bothered to greet them, left and marked Earth as a unrecommended destination in the Galactic Trip Advisor.
"Boy meets car, boy loves car, boy gets journalism degree and starts job writing and editing at a car magazine" - 5/5. (Vlad Mitrache if he was a movie) Full profile
Would you like AUTOEVOLUTION to send you notifications?
Google News