Saab and Volvo. Return of the MILFs...

… Saab engineers, who were already paid with money that don't exist, can now open the champagne bottles. The cheerful gang of 3,400 people, all Swedish and all brave and intelligent, will be able to continue making these “iconic cars” called Saabs.

The “hot dream” of those who like to kid themselves in thinking that they own an “exclusive” and “pure” Swedish car will continue to exist and to shred money and brain cells off any CEO unlucky enough to run such a company.

OK, they will be heavily competed by the Chinese from BAIC, but does that actually count for something? Things will move forward and they will be able to adopt their own Swedish philosophy of building cars, their own thoughts and innovative solutions which have lifted Saab's prestige towards the heavens.

An army of refrigerators pompously-named 9-5, 9-3, 9 dash whatever you want, will assassinate the patience of Saab faithful owners once again. Maybe some groundbreaking innovations will see the light of day, such as a two millimeter longer hood, or LED taillight (Wow!) or maybe, who knows, a complete surprise such as a six meter (twenty feet) long Saab that wants to be a “city compact”. Anything is possible.

God forbid should we dream and think about some decent engines because, you have to admit, it wouldn't be in the spirit of a Swedish brand or car. You see, for example, Volvo only uses two breathless powerplants besides the boat engine borrowed from Yamaha. OK, OK, specially created for Volvo by Yamaha...

But leaving the small engine impediment behind, since engines are an accessory to a Swedish car anyway, we will have everything. Maybe they will finally change that 1980s color for the dashboard lighting. That cheapish and 1980s-1990s USA-looking green. Maybe. Although I think it's part of Saab's heritage now.

In other words, an incredibly old car (albeit new), with extremely modest technologies although it desires to be modern, amazingly slow but “threatening” us with a revolutionary engine, etc. And big. Always bigger than the “competition”, more boat-like, more “luxurious”...

After being sodomized by GM for twenty years straight, Saab will finally be able to show the world what it can do. And how else could it do that besides partnering with another iconic brand, one which is throwing a party each time it sells a car – Spyker!

Spyker, along with the generous Swedish government, which collects taxes with the voracity of a T-Rex in full swing, thought that some of that dough might be “invested” in a local brand. Money is flowing anyway, so why not?

How else would they pay the salaries of over 3,400 people working for Saab? With the money of other people who are working to make a profit in order for Sweden to own some iconic brands in the oh-so exciting automotive world.

Either way, it will be interesting to watch the evolution of Saab, now that they can't really complain about GM's dictatorship anymore. For all that's fair, we had began to mistaken too many brands with Saab. From Opel to Subaru and a bit of Chevrolet, just about any GM car that could donate something was helping create this mutant on wheels called Saab.

Now they want to set themselves free and show us what a real Saab means. It is my right to doubt any commercial success but it's their right to try and contradict me.

And if you were wondering what's the common point between Spyker and Saab, there is actually one, just so you know. They're both selling so few cars they can actually compete each other. Even though their targets are way different. I'm actually afraid Spyker sales might actually be cannibalized by the acquisition of Saab.

Who knows? Maybe the rich and eccentric, who just wanted to feel alone on the road might switch to Saabs. I mean, they are expensive, they do break easily, so they have all the qualities of an exclusive car. Plus, you shouldn't forget the main quality: it's a Swedish car!

Now that that Saab saga is approaching a glorious ending, I'm anxiously awaiting the Volvo episode. Another soap opera that will spill a lot of tears and some Chinese capital and maybe, just maybe, another exclusive brand might also be left with an auto industry icon.

GM didn't make such a bad move after all, did it? I mean, if you buy something cheap, use it for twenty years and then sell it for good money... Doesn't sound so bad, does it?

Americans. This is why some people curse them on every occasion. They used to be beautiful, blonde, young models. Now GM and Ford are throwing them in the garbage bin and they're also getting money for it. Old, ugly and wrinkled, only the Chinese could still buy them. OK, the Dutch have never tried to have the highest morals at a given time before either...

They will find their place, probably in a Chinese village, where they are presented as Europeans in a red window display. Special, for the connoisseurs. Or together with a blue pill and a legal smoke. There. At their place. In Holland.

Say something bad about the Germans now!
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