Somehow, carmakers led us to believe that crossover SUVs are the automobiles we absolutely need if we are to survive these manic times of personal transportation. Clearly, we’ve been played because the oversized hatchbacks are about as meaningful as three-quarter pants. And yet, they also come in hot versions (even full electric!), which means drag races will occur.
If you’re thinking I’ve got a personal beef with these cars, let me disappoint you – I don’t like them any more than I like motorized bicycles. Their very architecture beats the purpose of the damn things but to each their own. For starters, let’s see this carwow orchestrated showdown between a MINI Countryman John Cooper Works, a BMW iX2, a VW T-Roc R, and an Audi SQ2. It’s quarter-mile time.
Basically, two Volkswagens and two Beemers, or three combustion engines versus an all-electric platform. In theory, it’s a no-brainer – EVs have proven to be ages ahead of their fossil-burning counterparts on nearly all occasions. Except now: BMW has had a brain freeze, probably, and somehow managed to build an electric automobile that’s a sloth compared to a triad of turbocharged inline-fours.
Let’s scroll the stats really quick: The MINI – another BMW failed attempt at humor because it’s anything but small - is powered by a two-liter four-cylinder turbo engine with 300 hp (304 PS) and 295 lb-ft (400 Nm). It uses all four wheels to push forward through the eight-speed automatic gearbox, and it weighs 1,735 kg (3,830 lbs).
The other BMW product is a proper Bavarian that loves polar bears and would put #StopOil activists out of business because it carries two electric motors (one for each axle). It’s the most powerful of the four racers (marginally), with 313 hp / 317 PS, and also the torquiest, at 364 lb-ft (494 Nm - that should theoretically put it in front right off the line). Dual motors mean four-wheel drive, but the iX2 is the heavyweight champion, at 2,020 kg / 4,460 lbs.
Lastly, the two VAG automobiles are basically the same platform with different badges. The VW T-Roc R and Audi SQ2 differences are only skin deep: a 2.0-liter inline-four with turbocharging delivers 300 hp and 295-lb-ft (304 PS, 400 Nm). Unlike the chubby MINI, these two Germans use seven-speed automatic gearboxes to drive the wheels (all four). The only difference between them is the 90-lb (40 kg) extra weight of the T-Roc R.: 1,575 kg / 3,485 lbs versus the SQ2’s 1,535 kg (3,390 lbs).
Clearly, the Audi has the best power-to-weight ratio of the bunch, but the BMW has instant torque for kick-off acceleration. On paper, because on the track, the BMW leaves like it running on borrowed electricity. The races themselves make no apparent sense, with driver skill (and body weight) making all the difference between the ICE-powered crossovers.
The best results of the four nonsensical fugliness-clad vehicles are as follows: The Volkswagen T-Roc and Audi SQ2 are right on par, at 13.3 seconds, while the MINI Countryman tops a personal best of 13.8. The BMW iX2 wastes electricity and time over the strip, getting to the far end of the 1,320-feet race in 14 seconds flat.
After nearly two decades in news television, Răzvan turned to a different medium. He’s been a field journalist, a TV producer, and a seafarer but found that he feels right at home among petrolheads. Full profile
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