This CX-90 vs. MDX Type S vs. GV80 Is the SUV Drag Race We Didn't Know We Didn't Need

Naturally, like all things motor, the SUV trend must obey the quarter-mile rite of passage. I don't expect models overseeing committees to bang their heads against the table in the quest for drag racing excellence, but a car is a car. Regardless of its doors' roll call result, cargo space volume, or how many rows of seats fit inside it, a gearhead will only consider its worth only after getting the 440-yard Gross Point Average report.

Sure, one might argue that a particular German company lives for this exact purpose – to take obscenely fast SUVs and turn them into supercar-eating ogres that share engines with powerboats. But Brabus is the exception – and so is Hennessey, the other Godspeed-forging piston demon; the rule of thumb is that most SUVs are pricey lumps of couch-potato lavishness.

I'll sustain the Lamborghini objection – the Urus is from a different all-road supercar planet. And, while there are gym-going versions of most SUV makes and models, they're not custom-made for fun-day throttle-happy functions.

Take the three Asian inductees in this 1,320-foot Hall of Lame: a pompous Hyundai, a retirement-plan Mazda, and a pretentious Honda. Going by the official names of Genesis GV80, Mazda CX-90, and Acura MDX Type S, the three large automobile share two things. The engine displacement class – over three liters – and the seating arrangements – three seats.

Let's detail the specs of each, in descending order of cubic size rankings. The Korean 2023 Genesis GV80 has a 3.5-liter V6 twin-turbocharged engine under the hood, making 375 brake horsepower (380 PS) and 391 lb-ft of torque (530 Nm). The all-wheel-drive SUV from Hyundai's luxury division uses an eight-speed automatic transmission to move around its 4,814-lbs bulk (a whisker shy of 2.2 tons).

The next one is Mazda's new addition to its lineup, the CX-90. A 3.3-liter inline-six turbocharged engine with a mild hybrid boost. On premium octane, the overgrown Japanese puts out 340 horsepower (345 PS) and 369 lb-ft (500 Nm) – the least amount of power within this trio.

It, too, sends the power to all four corners via an eight-speed automatic gearbox. At 4,903 lbs (2,228 kg), the Mazda is the heaviest of the bunch. With a curb weight of 4,903 lbs (2,228 kg), it is an ideal candidate for the `Best View of Opponent's Taillights` prize.

Last – but not least – is the 2022 Acura MDX Type S. The first SUV to wear the performance badge from the Japanese marque, the previous year's MDX swore the turbo pledge of allegiance to honor the "Type S" athletes. At three liters flat, it is the smallest engine in this arm-wrestling joust.

Six vee-scattered cylinders deliver 355 hp and 354 lb-ft (360 PS / 480 Nm). Second in power, but least torquey, it also has two gears over its adversaries: ten, and it goes without saying that, at this cogs headcount, it is automatic.

SH-AWD (Super Handling All-Wheel Drive) is the ace in its sleeve, although, for drag racing, it might be irrelevant. After all, a more aggressive engine sound, increased steering feedback, and torque vectoring is not involved in straight-line automotive physics.

The sporty MDX is the slim-fit type, weighing in at 4,712 lbs (2,142 kg), and this dietary advantage shows its benefits during the race. The Acura is the best at drag-racing – in this three-rows-of-seats-Asian-SUV three-way bout. It has a better start, faster acceleration, and stronger top-end muscle.

Despite its premium fuel favor, the fatty Mazda has a sloth-like start and overall performance. It takes 15.2 seconds for the big CX-90 to get to the checkered-flag end of the standing quarter-mile test, and it claims a 6.2-second time for the 0-60 mph (97 kph). The Genesis GV80 is just one-tenth nimbler but has a higher-rate speed gain across the drag strip. It crosses the line after 14.4 seconds from the start.

The Type S MDX from Honda's premium brand Acura fully fulfills its obligation to its performance mentors: 5.6 seconds in the zero-to-sixty challenge and 14.2 seconds to cover 1,320 feet from a standing start.

In the roll races, the power gap between the Genesis and the other two takes the stake and puts the GV80 ahead of the pack, with the Acura hot on its trail. The Mazda, on the other hand, falls a time zone behind them.