This Audi Commercial Is So Bad, You’ll Feel like Crying Too

We’ve shown you just the other day a clip meant to promote the selection of certified pre-owned cars that you can get from Audi dealerships in the US, one we felt was really pointing out an important problem with the way we treat cars these days. Oh, but what we got here is ten times better. It’s pure gold.

We’ll admit from the start that we have no idea what the artist meant here. The video description does say that “the list of things that can bring a man to tears just got one line longer with the new Audi RS 7 performance,” and then it continues with a friendly warning: “When you have the chance to press the pedal down on this boosted, four-door sportback, don’t forget the tissues.”

Forget about the tissues, we have a better solution: how about the next time you want to drive fast in a car - any car, not just an Audi - you do it with the windows up? Not only does the rush of air get your eye all teared up, but you also run the risk of swallowing a fly or, even worse, having one hit your pupil.

The one-minute-long clip describes the journey of one tear drop originating from the driver’s eye down the RS 7’s body and... nah, we’ll let you discover on your own what resting place the creative director of this ad chose for the little speck of water. Just don’t expect too much.

Are we the only ones who find it absolutely ridiculous to claim that a car’s performance can bring a man to tears? Holding your newborn baby for the first time; winning an important achievement; saving somebody’s life and seeing the person reunite with their family - these are reasons to lose it and get all emotional. Finding your dead grand father’s car that he lost during the war and restoring it? Yes, it’s OK to cry over that. But pressing the accelerator pedal of a powerful car? Sure, you can get excited, you can feel a tingle in your manly parts, but cry? Come on, Audi, this is pathetic.

In the end, it all seems as fake as that teardrop and it’s not because of the execution - they did go for a touchy, dramatic music - but because of the starting premise. The Audi RS 7 is a great car, but it’s not an emotional one, and those are the only ones that can even begin to dream of causing this kind of a reaction.