The world was on fire when Apple pompously announced the decision of building a car [insert laughter here], me included. But as I was sitting and drinking tea at the skeptics’ table, making scenarios about how the iPhone’s daddy would fail at actually building a car, I had a flashback. So here I am, asking you this: what about a Nokia Car?
Now, just because Elon Musk is the genius he is and managed to get Tesla Motors up and running and so close to (EV) world domination, this doesn’t automatically mean that your company can also do that, just because you’re (allegedly) good with battery-powered devices called smartphones.
Being and old school guy and growing up in an age when a Nokia phone made you more popular in your high school than Britney Spears was after releasing that ‘hit me baby one more time’ song, I asked myself this: what if Nokia decided to build cars, 10 years ago? They started out as working with rubber, electricity and cables and you get plenty of these in a car, don't you?
First, they would have needed a name. But then I figured out that since most car names these days have more numbers and letter than a cubic equation, a car called Nokia 3100 would nicely fit the picture. Moreover, since the customizable 3100 phone from Nokia popped-up, they would have been way ahead of any personalization features we got to see on modern cars in recent days. Nokia - 1, carmakers - 0.
And think about the name of the brand. It basically says it all. Imagine you would go to a Nokia dealer to buy a car. And the salesperson there would come an greet you and work his or hers way up to your decision-making center in the brain in an attempt to talk you into buying a Nokia. Then you would ask: is this car any good? And he or she would reply: of course, it’s a Nokia. And then you would think: a No-Kia? Uhm, that has to be good, right? You know what? That looks like a proper car! I should buy one right now! Nokia - 2, carmakers - 0.
Imagine that Nokia’s flagship model was the 3310. These bad boys would be the most economical cars in the world. Just think about it: you don’t need insurance and you won’t have to pay for repairs because there won’t be any. Let’s say two 3310 were involved in an accident. The passengers might feel a small tickle, there should be some sparks on the road, a thundering sound and even a mushroom cloud if the crash takes place at high speed, but that’s about it. Cars intact, everybody lives, no fender benders, no damage at all. Nokia - 3, carmakers - 0.
But guess what? The interior would have been sorted out as well. Nokia would have used the same pearl-white colored material from the inside of its 2650 flip-phone for the car's cabin and there you have it, problem solved. Using the navigation system would have been like playing Snake I or Snake II and the horn would sound like a monophonic or polyphonic ringtone - however, the latter would come as optional equipment. Nokia - 3, carmakers - 1.
I guess it’s pretty clear that the car would have been electric, but don’t even get me started on battery life. Range anxiety would never exist if Nokia did cars as one full battery charge would have been enough to pay a visit to the Jetsons in the future and engage in a couple of drag races on your way back. Nokia - 4, carmakers - 1.
Now that you found out about the alternative, what would you choose? The Apple car or the Nokia car?
Being and old school guy and growing up in an age when a Nokia phone made you more popular in your high school than Britney Spears was after releasing that ‘hit me baby one more time’ song, I asked myself this: what if Nokia decided to build cars, 10 years ago? They started out as working with rubber, electricity and cables and you get plenty of these in a car, don't you?
First, they would have needed a name. But then I figured out that since most car names these days have more numbers and letter than a cubic equation, a car called Nokia 3100 would nicely fit the picture. Moreover, since the customizable 3100 phone from Nokia popped-up, they would have been way ahead of any personalization features we got to see on modern cars in recent days. Nokia - 1, carmakers - 0.
And think about the name of the brand. It basically says it all. Imagine you would go to a Nokia dealer to buy a car. And the salesperson there would come an greet you and work his or hers way up to your decision-making center in the brain in an attempt to talk you into buying a Nokia. Then you would ask: is this car any good? And he or she would reply: of course, it’s a Nokia. And then you would think: a No-Kia? Uhm, that has to be good, right? You know what? That looks like a proper car! I should buy one right now! Nokia - 2, carmakers - 0.
Imagine that Nokia’s flagship model was the 3310. These bad boys would be the most economical cars in the world. Just think about it: you don’t need insurance and you won’t have to pay for repairs because there won’t be any. Let’s say two 3310 were involved in an accident. The passengers might feel a small tickle, there should be some sparks on the road, a thundering sound and even a mushroom cloud if the crash takes place at high speed, but that’s about it. Cars intact, everybody lives, no fender benders, no damage at all. Nokia - 3, carmakers - 0.
But guess what? The interior would have been sorted out as well. Nokia would have used the same pearl-white colored material from the inside of its 2650 flip-phone for the car's cabin and there you have it, problem solved. Using the navigation system would have been like playing Snake I or Snake II and the horn would sound like a monophonic or polyphonic ringtone - however, the latter would come as optional equipment. Nokia - 3, carmakers - 1.
I guess it’s pretty clear that the car would have been electric, but don’t even get me started on battery life. Range anxiety would never exist if Nokia did cars as one full battery charge would have been enough to pay a visit to the Jetsons in the future and engage in a couple of drag races on your way back. Nokia - 4, carmakers - 1.
Now that you found out about the alternative, what would you choose? The Apple car or the Nokia car?
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