Subaru Brat Is More Hipster than a Volvo 240, Says Regular Car Reviews

And while Sweden's brick wagon made several appearances in movies about depressed suburban kids, the Brat was forgotten for a while. That changed when teens discovered chicken tax trucks with seats in the back and decided they were to be coveted, like a girl that has a level 100 World of Warcraft account.

The fact that bowel movement hurries it makes this a non-review. Does the Brat ride well? Will the police let you sit in the back? What do girls think about it? All these questions remain unanswered while we're told that the gearbox is horrible. But you can't find a Subaru Brat to buy, and you shouldn't do that anyway. Want to be a hipster? Get a Scion or ride a monowheel instead.

The Brat entered development in 1977 at the request of the President of Subaru of America. It was supposed to be a response to similar small "pickups" offered by Toyota, Nissan, and Mazda. But being based on the Leone wagon meant that Subaru was the only Japanese company that offered standard all-wheel-drive. While production ended in 1994, Subaru didn't stop things there. The company developed the Baja based on the Legacy wagon and moved production to Indiana. The Subaru truck finally died in 2006, by which time it was available with a 210 horsepower turbo engine.

But we digress; the Brat is more hipsterish than the Baja because it's slower, rarer, not as well made and doesn't have four doors. In today's era of health and safety, Subaru is a well-respected company with a solid IIHS Top Safety Pick rating across the line. But in the 1980s, the company was desperate for sales and installing those jump seats in the back made the Brat a "car" and lowered the tax from 25% to just 2.5%. Who cares that they were deathtraps, right?

Editor's note: The review wasn't a long poop joke. Mister Regular is trying to say that he's in a compromising position, because if he likes the car, the non-hipsters and Corvette people are going to hit the unlike button.