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Pinch Me, I Must Be Dreaming, That Can't Be the Tesla Pickup

Tesla’s first car was a Lotus Elise-based machine that looked pretty conventional. Its next car, the Model S, was designed to look like a traditional luxury sedan, , right down to it having a fake grille (which it didn’t need) to finish off its front fascia.
Tesla Cybertruck 1 photo
Photo: Tesla
Then Tesla made a curvaceous but ultimately still conventional looking SUV, the Model X, followed by a smaller conventional looking sedan and the crossover version of that. Then it showed off a futuristic but not over the top concept for a semi truck and when it did, people marveled at how different it looks to conventional semis.

Well, nothing in the company’s past would have prepared us for the brand’s first pickup truck. Just unveiled and called the Cybertruck (or CYBRTRK as the company seems to refer to it in writing), there are no kind words to describe the way it looks, but I’ll refrain from using any of them - after all, ugliness is in the eye of the beholder...

You know those jokes about cars only being designed with a ruler, well, they’ve never stood more true than they do for the Tesla Cybertruck. From the side it looks just plain ridiculous - the tip of the greenhouse is literally a tip and, in fact, it’s not really a greenhouse as it just part of the wedge that is the pickup’s body.

Aerodynamics are not my field of expertise, but I think that pointed roof can’t be good for airflow. And none of the Cybertruck’s body looks like it was designed with any consideration as to how air will flow around it - I could be wrong, but I’m probably not, especially with that flat nose and just the squareness of it all.

It’s about as simple and minimalist as car design gets - the front fascia is completely devoid of any details. All it has is a simple light bar that runs the width of the front and two smaller indicators below - that’s it, and the exact same phrase could be used to describe the rear end, sans the separate indicators.

Now I’m no American, but the majority of pickup truck buyers have always seemed to me like the type of buyers that don’t really like change. That’s why pickups haven’t changed their basic formula for decades - sure, I understand that Tesla is banking on wow factor with the Cybertruck, but maybe, just maybe, it went a bit too far with whole Cyber theme.

This is the first ugly Tesla ever - the automaker had built a track record of fairly attractive looking cars, ones that had nice flowing lines that owed everything to decades of incremental improvement in automotive design. But now that it’s breaking with tradition for this truck, I wonder what it has in store for its core models.

Could the next Tesla Model S be similar to the Cybertruck, but with more overhangs and a lower ride height? I truly hope not because the new truck really doesn’t have any aesthetic merits - you know those memes depicting various things the way children draw them, well, this Cybertruck looks like it came from the mind of a child whom, left home alone by his parents, went on a days-long dystopian sci-fi flick binge.

I’m expecting to wake up any second now and tell everybody about the dream I had about Tesla launching a crazy angular pickup with a pointed roof. It’s just such a bonkers and surreal looking design that it’s really hard to imagine hundreds of these rolling off the production line in a couple years’ time.

Even as I’m writing this, browsing through photos of the CYBRTRK, I still get a feeling that I’ve either been drugged with psychedelics, I’ve been transported to a quirky parallel dimension or this is all just a simulation and the lead programmer has gone nuts (and is on quirky narcotics from a parallel reality).
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