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Man Sells Car in a Pub, Forgets About It, Reports It Stolen on Becoming Sober

Let's end the day on a more lighthearted note, and what can feel better than laughing at other people's stupidity and misfortune? "I don't know, actually helping someone?" Shut up, it was rhetorical and not up for debate.
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Photo: Newville Police Department on Facebook
Making fun of our fellow men is not exactly what the Bible tells you to do, but you get the feeling the book of books might take it a little less seriously if the target of your bemusement wasn't exactly the ideal lamb of Christ. In other words, if they're a sinner, you're in the clear. For the sake of transparency, I'd like to make it clear that I'm not a priest or a minister, so you shouldn't take my word for it.

Jesus may have drunk some wine, but he sure as hell wasn't an alcohol sponge. I mean, he did possess the ability to turn water into wine - which must be every drunk's dream - so if he were one, then Satan wouldn't have had to do anything to tempt him in the Judaean Desert.

What we're trying to say here but get lost in our lacunary knowledge of the Bible is that poking fun at drunks is OK because they'll burn in Hell anyway. Bear that in mind over the next few paragraphs because it will help you clear your conscience.

So there was this man in New Zealand who drank a lot. There might be more, but we'll focus on this one. One night, he drank so much he couldn't remember anything in the morning (we'd be lying if we said we didn't know how that feels). Nothing special so far, then. Except this guy woke up the next morning and could not find his car. Upset, he went to the police to report it stolen.

It turns out he had sold the vehicle for $800 during that rampage, and the fact he had no money left in his pocket to raise any suspicion gives us a rough idea about the percentage of blood he had in the alcohol running through his veins.

The police, however, had no idea initially, so they listed the vehicle as stolen. The buyer, probably wondering if buying cars in pubs from complete strangers was a good idea, decided to check the VIN of the car and see if it were stolen and, would you guess it, it was. Little did he know he was actually the thief.

He went down to the police station to explain everything that happened, and when they heard the story, the officers said "Alright, that's too much, you two guys deal with it" and went off. Or something like that. The NZ Herald even found a moral to the story: "don't drink and sell cars."
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About the author: Vlad Mitrache
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"Boy meets car, boy loves car, boy gets journalism degree and starts job writing and editing at a car magazine" - 5/5. (Vlad Mitrache if he was a movie)
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