LeMelons 2016: Le Mans Meets Destruction Derby with Hilarious Results

A bunch of Canadians gathered on a field with a motley crew of ragged cars they got for no more than $300 each. Make no mistake, they are there to race. But before they do that, each team takes the time to introduce its vehicle, because after they bought these cheap hunks of metal, they also subjected them to a round of equally inexpensive modifications.

The result? Suffice to say that hearing these folks talk about their creations is just as much fun as the race itself. Take the "Sheriff's car" Dodge Neon that has a new police motto on the side: "to swerve and neglect," for example; or the "Pink Panther Killers" team with their Toyota Tercel who say "we really found round tires to be working last year, so we went round again" (are all these guys comedians too?); or the "Calgary Police Bureau" with a rust-eaten Datsun Maxima, saying that "we've done the rust test and it's only gonna get lighter as the day goes on" - words of wisdom. Trust us, there are no two consecutive seconds in this clip that are boring.

After all the talking, it's time for the race. It's a race where anything goes, as long as it’s fun. Even the penalties - which appear to be attributed at random - are great, especially for those at the receiving end (how does "eat a cupcake penalty" sound to you?). For safety reasons, this isn't an all-out destruction derby (the cars don't have a safety cell), but rest assured, there will be bumps, crashes, and even a rollover.

As for the rules, even if there were any to begin with, they clearly get less and less relevant as the race goes on and the level of adrenaline soars. Because, at the end of the day, participating is nice, but winning is even nicer. So off they go running 'round a circuit built on what was probably a wheat field, trying to lap it as many times as possible while also making sure the good-to-be-scrapped cars they drive don't give their last breath before the finish.

What worries me is that, all fun aside, I never once did see a firefighters car around, which - in case it's true and there wasn't one present - is a little reckless. After all, you've got a field covered in dry wheat stems, cars running on gasoline and accidents waiting to happen. But, hey, if that's the risk you need to take in order to be a part of this race, then so be it. We'd give a kidney and a leg to get invited next year. Well, maybe we'll keep the leg, as we might need it. Oh, and the kidney is good for drinking beer, so we'll have to think of another form of payment.