Photo: independent.co.uk
Last year's fracas-gate was pretty much the end of Top Gear we all knew and some even loved. The playful and nutty trio will no longer be part of the BBC's most viewed program, but that doesn't mean they won't still anger and please their fans on a different platform.
As most of you know, Clarkson, Hammond and May have jumped ship from television to online, having signed a multi-million dollar contract with Amazon Prime. What is left of Top Gear doesn't seem to be going so well, but hopefully we will be proven wrong later this year.
Until that happens, Clarkson, Hammond and May's mysterious online show is currently filming but there aren't so many details available about the production, which will be exclusively available on Amazon Prime. Considering that the kooky trio will have a much bigger budget at their disposal than what the Beeb used to give them, we're expecting a pretty high production value on the show.
This means that not only will they hoon, praise and berate some of the coolest cars on the planet but they should also have plenty of money to do that in some of the most exotic places out there, just like how they used to do in those Top Gear Specials back in the day.
That said, we decided to put together a short selection of places where some of their cockamamie journeys may take place, all of them being chosen in the spirit of their goofy characters.
One of the world's longest trains connects Zouérat, a mining town in the southern parts of Mauritania, traversing a pretty much lawless part of desert where people live pretty much like the tribes in Mad Max, and Nouadhibou, the country's largest city.
The train has a few enclosed cars, where people who bought a ticket for the 40-hour long desert ride can sit, but most of the carts of the two-mile long train are filled with iron ore. Most passengers actually travel along with livestock on top of the iron ore, in almost unbearable conditions. We figure Richard Hammond and James May should probably take the train, while Jezza would try and race them in... one of the last Land Rover Defenders?
California is known for being the strictest American state when it comes to passenger car pollution, and the recent Dieselgate scandal didn't do too much to help the reputation of diesels. On the contrary, in fact, so seeing the three doing their best to emulate those tricked-out Volkswagens in an exaggerated manner won't make it better either.
Using German diesels would be too obvious and probably less annoying for bystanders, so a few bro-trucks modified to spew visible smoke would probably make for some quality video and prove a bigger point when it comes to car exhaust pollution.
What would that point be, you ask? It's simple, all cars on Californian roads should pass emissions if we're going to be more catholic than the Pope, shouldn't they?
Hyundai's new Genesis brand seems to be set on snatching more than a few pieces of the luxury car market pie, so this gave us an idea. JC and Co. have a gigantic budget on their hands right now, so hiring a couple of special effects specialists and transforming one of them into a Kim Jong-un lookalike and driving him around the border in a Genesis G90 would be easy to orchestrate.
What wouldn't be easy to explain is what they were attempting to do once they get caught and avoiding an Internation incident on such a large scale.
The Mashco Piro tribe have been living in the Peru jungle for over half a millennium, but because of logging, tourism and even drug cartels the tribesmen are currently being forced to scavenge more civilized villages in search of food and weapons.
The increased number of encounters they have with the civilized world usually end in aggression from both sides, and the Government of Peru has been trying to contact them for some time. Maybe Clarkson's, May's, and Hammond's unusual types of diplomacy will make them change their opinion about the outside world without the three getting beat up and buried deep in the jungle.
That happened back in 2013, so Jezza and his two co-presenters may have learned a thing or two about how France's speed limits are reinforced. Maybe going back to test the French-made Bugatti Chiron's top speed would not facilitate their entrance into a French jail cell. Or maybe it would, which would make for yet another Top Gear-like mischievousness that would be just what the audience wants.
Until that happens, Clarkson, Hammond and May's mysterious online show is currently filming but there aren't so many details available about the production, which will be exclusively available on Amazon Prime. Considering that the kooky trio will have a much bigger budget at their disposal than what the Beeb used to give them, we're expecting a pretty high production value on the show.
This means that not only will they hoon, praise and berate some of the coolest cars on the planet but they should also have plenty of money to do that in some of the most exotic places out there, just like how they used to do in those Top Gear Specials back in the day.
That said, we decided to put together a short selection of places where some of their cockamamie journeys may take place, all of them being chosen in the spirit of their goofy characters.
Mauritania, following an iron ore train through the desert
Mauritania is an African country bordering Morocco that is known for being plagued by poverty and being the last country in the world to abolish slavery, back in 1981. Despite the ban, at least 4 percent of the population is currently living either as a slave or in slave-like conditions, while the weather is very harsh thanks to most of the country's land being within the Sahara desert.One of the world's longest trains connects Zouérat, a mining town in the southern parts of Mauritania, traversing a pretty much lawless part of desert where people live pretty much like the tribes in Mad Max, and Nouadhibou, the country's largest city.
The train has a few enclosed cars, where people who bought a ticket for the 40-hour long desert ride can sit, but most of the carts of the two-mile long train are filled with iron ore. Most passengers actually travel along with livestock on top of the iron ore, in almost unbearable conditions. We figure Richard Hammond and James May should probably take the train, while Jezza would try and race them in... one of the last Land Rover Defenders?
Rolling coal with a bunch of Diesel American trucks in Los Angeles
This feat will most likely get the trio and their filming crew arrested, but the subsequent laughs should probably make it all worth it.California is known for being the strictest American state when it comes to passenger car pollution, and the recent Dieselgate scandal didn't do too much to help the reputation of diesels. On the contrary, in fact, so seeing the three doing their best to emulate those tricked-out Volkswagens in an exaggerated manner won't make it better either.
Using German diesels would be too obvious and probably less annoying for bystanders, so a few bro-trucks modified to spew visible smoke would probably make for some quality video and prove a bigger point when it comes to car exhaust pollution.
What would that point be, you ask? It's simple, all cars on Californian roads should pass emissions if we're going to be more catholic than the Pope, shouldn't they?
Test driving a South Korean car near the North Korean border
Obviously, crossing into North Korea and filming there would be next to impossible, unless Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is a fan of Clarkson's antics, but what if the three Stooges-like characters remain on the safe side of the borders and review the best that South Korea has to offer in terms of cars?Hyundai's new Genesis brand seems to be set on snatching more than a few pieces of the luxury car market pie, so this gave us an idea. JC and Co. have a gigantic budget on their hands right now, so hiring a couple of special effects specialists and transforming one of them into a Kim Jong-un lookalike and driving him around the border in a Genesis G90 would be easy to orchestrate.
What wouldn't be easy to explain is what they were attempting to do once they get caught and avoiding an Internation incident on such a large scale.
Going back to the Amazon, trying to speak with a lost tribe
What better way to celebrate the name of their new home, even though it's online, than to visit the Amazon forest again? Sure, they did it once before, when Top Gear used to film those insane Specials. This time, one of their main reasons for going back into the jungle would be to contact and communicate with one of the last remaining tribes there - not just for our entertainment but for the tribe's well-being going forward.The Mashco Piro tribe have been living in the Peru jungle for over half a millennium, but because of logging, tourism and even drug cartels the tribesmen are currently being forced to scavenge more civilized villages in search of food and weapons.
The increased number of encounters they have with the civilized world usually end in aggression from both sides, and the Government of Peru has been trying to contact them for some time. Maybe Clarkson's, May's, and Hammond's unusual types of diplomacy will make them change their opinion about the outside world without the three getting beat up and buried deep in the jungle.
Returning to France for a bit of R&R that turns into a police chase
Last time the trio went to France, Top Gear was filming a Christmas DVD called “The Perfect Road Trip.” It all sounded fine and dandy on paper, but both Clarkson and Hammond were caught driving at more than 50 km/h (31 mph) over the legal speed limit, so they received huge fines that left them penniless and were banned from driving in France for three months without even their case reaching a court.That happened back in 2013, so Jezza and his two co-presenters may have learned a thing or two about how France's speed limits are reinforced. Maybe going back to test the French-made Bugatti Chiron's top speed would not facilitate their entrance into a French jail cell. Or maybe it would, which would make for yet another Top Gear-like mischievousness that would be just what the audience wants.
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