Photo: Ad author on Craigslist
They say honesty is the last thing you should rely on if you're a salesperson. The buyer only needs to know what you want him to, which is why some people (honest people) will never make it in sales.
However, when what you're selling can best be described as a "big piece of crap," then honesty may be your best bet. When a car is in terrible shape, anyone can see that so there's no point in trying to put a ribbon on it. Don't do like this guy selling a half-destroyed Tesla Model S saying it's got "minor dents and dings," alright?
But honesty alone might not cut it. Your ad needs something to make it stand out. The best way to do that is to add some humor. Unfortunately, not everybody is as good as this guy at making fun of himself and the cars he has for sale (yes, there are more), which is probably why you'd buy the BMW 325xi from him and not somebody else if similar offers existed.
He lets it rip right from the start, announcing he's selling the car because he has some tickets he needs to pay. "Here, I've got a real piece of trash for your consideration" is the opening line for the vehicle's description, and believe us, from here on, you're hooked. "It's a 2001 all wheel drive BMW wagon, complete with rust, missing parts, and damage." Great, I don't really care about the BMW, but I've always wanted rust, missing parts and, most of all, some damage. "You can drive it as is, but that doesn't mean that you should." Alright, maybe it's just me who is easily amused, but I've heard a lot of worse stand-up routines.
"If anyone knows about e46s, they know that they have power seats, automatic climate control, and a sunroof in a vast majority of them. Not this one. Manual seats, manual climate control, and no sunroof." You can read the entire ad below, but we thought that just in case you were lazy, it'd have been a shame to miss these few highlights.
"Hello craigslist, I've got to pay some tickets and make way for other cars, so some of my tin cans are ready to go up for sale.
I'm debating on whether I should keep this for the winter or not, but I really don't need all 10 cars that I have. I also need a car that would fit me playing synthwave/vaporwave more, so something older probably.
Here, I've got a real piece of trash for your consideration. It's a 2001 all wheel drive BMW wagon, complete with rust, missing parts, and damage. You can drive it as is, but that doesn't mean that you should. I'll elaborate:
I bought this wagon knowing that it was smashed into a guard rail. The front passenger unirail/strut tower is not aligned properly. There's a ton of negative camber on the front right wheel. In addition, though the fender was replaced, they bent it to fit the rail slightly, and the hood is damaged on that side.
I drove it back 3 hours and then found some doors on a wagon in Horseheads Pick-a-part. I picked those up and replaced the rusty/dented ones with ones in much better shape. Here's the bummer about that, my dad scrapped the old doors so now the door lock doesn't fit the key because I didn't get the chance to replace it, so that's something to not be too psyched about on top of the damage.
The engine is caked in oil. There must have been a small oil leak for a long time, and it's been baking onto the engine. It also has no fan, but it never overheated on me on the way back because it was mostly highway. It ran very well to my surprise. I did also get another fan from pick-a-part, but I haven't put it in yet (or used engine degreaser) because I'm a lazy piece of trash.
The speed sensor must be messed up because the abs and brake light are on. And the speedometer doesn't work. I took a small look at the sensor on the front right wheel, and the wires look to be rigged.
There's also some rust bumming its way onto spots on the car. The front drivers fender is rusted through.
It also smells really strange interior-wise, I'm not too sure how to describe it, besides that maybe some sort of salty concoction was brewed up in there, like urine or meth.
If anyone knows about e46s, they know that they have power seats, automatic climate control, and a sunroof in a vast majority of them. Not this one. Manual seats, manual climate control, and no sunroof.
You may be asking "Why does he want so much for this junk?" or "How does he know what meth smells like?", and to that, I respond that I don't expect to get a full 1300 out of this wagon at all, no. But, these are a little bit rare, especially manual transmission, though not as rare as the manual transmission rear wheel drive ones.
I do, however, want to get most of my money back out of it, and it does still have a clean title! If you want to trade for another piece of trash, let me know. I mostly want something manual transmission, so show me what you've got if you want to trade. I like most things with engines, mostly imported vehicles, motorcycles, maybe scooters, maybe airplanes.
Feel free to make me any offer on this vehicle, or the others for that matter.
I've also got some other junk for sale. Here are a couple things:
1986 BMW 325e sedan, the least desirable e30. Needs exhaust, and the clutch is weird. Probably burns oil too, but the body is mostly rust free, it's all surface and mostly on the front right fender
1990 Honda CRX, this is also in very bad condition, I stripped it down to mess with it and haven't done anything else. It does have a running d16a6 though
1984 Honda CRX. This has a blown headgasket I think? It pours out smoke but the oil isn't milky. It also doesn't run right now, and the floor pans are pretty rusty
1989 Toyota Van Wagon. Windowless Cargo van, perfect for kidnapping. Headgasket blown for sure, I have the 4yec engine taken apart right now, so I'll have to put it back together to fix it.
Also, not a car, but I don't really need my 2004 ninja 250 anymore, that's pretty beat up too
There are the cars that I'm willing to part with at the moment. I'll give decent deals on them. They're all manual transmission except for the Toyota Van, and they all have clean titles (the 90 CRX has a lien, but also a lien release). If you want to buy them all in a package, then that would be strange, so I probably wouldn't do it. You can ask me whatever questions you want, call, text, or email. I don't care."
But honesty alone might not cut it. Your ad needs something to make it stand out. The best way to do that is to add some humor. Unfortunately, not everybody is as good as this guy at making fun of himself and the cars he has for sale (yes, there are more), which is probably why you'd buy the BMW 325xi from him and not somebody else if similar offers existed.
He lets it rip right from the start, announcing he's selling the car because he has some tickets he needs to pay. "Here, I've got a real piece of trash for your consideration" is the opening line for the vehicle's description, and believe us, from here on, you're hooked. "It's a 2001 all wheel drive BMW wagon, complete with rust, missing parts, and damage." Great, I don't really care about the BMW, but I've always wanted rust, missing parts and, most of all, some damage. "You can drive it as is, but that doesn't mean that you should." Alright, maybe it's just me who is easily amused, but I've heard a lot of worse stand-up routines.
"If anyone knows about e46s, they know that they have power seats, automatic climate control, and a sunroof in a vast majority of them. Not this one. Manual seats, manual climate control, and no sunroof." You can read the entire ad below, but we thought that just in case you were lazy, it'd have been a shame to miss these few highlights.
"Hello craigslist, I've got to pay some tickets and make way for other cars, so some of my tin cans are ready to go up for sale.
I'm debating on whether I should keep this for the winter or not, but I really don't need all 10 cars that I have. I also need a car that would fit me playing synthwave/vaporwave more, so something older probably.
Here, I've got a real piece of trash for your consideration. It's a 2001 all wheel drive BMW wagon, complete with rust, missing parts, and damage. You can drive it as is, but that doesn't mean that you should. I'll elaborate:
I bought this wagon knowing that it was smashed into a guard rail. The front passenger unirail/strut tower is not aligned properly. There's a ton of negative camber on the front right wheel. In addition, though the fender was replaced, they bent it to fit the rail slightly, and the hood is damaged on that side.
I drove it back 3 hours and then found some doors on a wagon in Horseheads Pick-a-part. I picked those up and replaced the rusty/dented ones with ones in much better shape. Here's the bummer about that, my dad scrapped the old doors so now the door lock doesn't fit the key because I didn't get the chance to replace it, so that's something to not be too psyched about on top of the damage.
The engine is caked in oil. There must have been a small oil leak for a long time, and it's been baking onto the engine. It also has no fan, but it never overheated on me on the way back because it was mostly highway. It ran very well to my surprise. I did also get another fan from pick-a-part, but I haven't put it in yet (or used engine degreaser) because I'm a lazy piece of trash.
The speed sensor must be messed up because the abs and brake light are on. And the speedometer doesn't work. I took a small look at the sensor on the front right wheel, and the wires look to be rigged.
There's also some rust bumming its way onto spots on the car. The front drivers fender is rusted through.
It also smells really strange interior-wise, I'm not too sure how to describe it, besides that maybe some sort of salty concoction was brewed up in there, like urine or meth.
If anyone knows about e46s, they know that they have power seats, automatic climate control, and a sunroof in a vast majority of them. Not this one. Manual seats, manual climate control, and no sunroof.
You may be asking "Why does he want so much for this junk?" or "How does he know what meth smells like?", and to that, I respond that I don't expect to get a full 1300 out of this wagon at all, no. But, these are a little bit rare, especially manual transmission, though not as rare as the manual transmission rear wheel drive ones.
I do, however, want to get most of my money back out of it, and it does still have a clean title! If you want to trade for another piece of trash, let me know. I mostly want something manual transmission, so show me what you've got if you want to trade. I like most things with engines, mostly imported vehicles, motorcycles, maybe scooters, maybe airplanes.
Feel free to make me any offer on this vehicle, or the others for that matter.
I've also got some other junk for sale. Here are a couple things:
1986 BMW 325e sedan, the least desirable e30. Needs exhaust, and the clutch is weird. Probably burns oil too, but the body is mostly rust free, it's all surface and mostly on the front right fender
1990 Honda CRX, this is also in very bad condition, I stripped it down to mess with it and haven't done anything else. It does have a running d16a6 though
1984 Honda CRX. This has a blown headgasket I think? It pours out smoke but the oil isn't milky. It also doesn't run right now, and the floor pans are pretty rusty
1989 Toyota Van Wagon. Windowless Cargo van, perfect for kidnapping. Headgasket blown for sure, I have the 4yec engine taken apart right now, so I'll have to put it back together to fix it.
Also, not a car, but I don't really need my 2004 ninja 250 anymore, that's pretty beat up too
There are the cars that I'm willing to part with at the moment. I'll give decent deals on them. They're all manual transmission except for the Toyota Van, and they all have clean titles (the 90 CRX has a lien, but also a lien release). If you want to buy them all in a package, then that would be strange, so I probably wouldn't do it. You can ask me whatever questions you want, call, text, or email. I don't care."
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