BMW X5 M Drag Races Ducati Panigale V4 S in the Most Hopeless Contest Ever

Seriously now, the BMW doesn't stand a chance. In fact, you could say that bringing the Panigale V4 S is a bit overkill as much lesser bikes would have no problem crossing the line ahead of the M Performance SAV, regardless of how well the latter can launch compared to something on two wheels.

The fact the four-wheeled vehicle will launch better is one of the few givens in life, particularly when all of those four wheels are made to work thanks to BMW's xDrive system. The Bimmer has a claimed 0-62 mph (0-100 kph) time of 3.8 seconds, but if everything goes to plan, the Ducati should already be ahead by the time the X5 M reaches that speed.

You probably already know the X5 M Competition's specs by now, so we'll go over them briefly. It has a 4.4-liter twin-turbo V8 with 617 hp (625 PS) and 553 lb-ft (760 Nm) of torque moving through an eight-speed automatic to all four corners to make sure it moves the roughly 2.3-ton overall weight in the most efficient manner possible.

Meanwhile, the Ducati Panigale V4 S boasts very different figures. As the name suggests, it has a 1,103-cc (67.3-cu in) V4 engine good for 211 hp (214 PS) and 91 lb-ft (124 Nm), but these figures aren't reached until the crankshaft reaches 13,000 rpm and 10,000 rpm, respectively. Considering how quickly these things spool up, however, that shouldn't take too long.

With a weight of under 440 lbs (200 kg), launching this thing is going to prove the most difficult task, especially since it's a Ducati. Luckily, the guy in the leather suit is an experienced rider with ties to the British Superbike Championship, so it's like having the superbike equivalent of the Stig.

As expected, the BMW X5 M is quicker off the line, but it's hard to tell whether it manages to stay ahead for more than two seconds. Beyond that, the superbike just takes off into the sunset, leaving the driver in the Bimmer to question whether there was something wrong with the SAV's internals.

He should have known the bike was the real deal from the little winglets on the side that give it downforce. You need speed to make those work (180 mph/290 km/h for the full effect, to be exact); otherwise, they're just more stuff you need to replace after you fall over. Not at that speed, though, or them breaking will be the least of your problems.