How do you make lots of money and get to own a large portion of the world we live in, larger than you deserve? You could win the lottery, but the chances of that happening are lower than being killed by a falling meteorite. Taking luck completely out of the equation sounds like a much better idea, but it requires nerves of steel and political backing, which only 0.00001% of people have.
The world knows them as oligarchs. They hate them with passion, but secretly, deep down, they also idolize them. Russia's numerous billionaires are some of the richest, most powerful people in the world. One word from them and the price of gold may inexplicably skyrocket or Europe might be left at winter's mercy without natural gas.
After the fall of Communism, the Russian state was in shambles. People were revolting all over the place, the economy was in recession and the ruble was experiencing rampant inflation. Those still holding a position of power or influence discovered they could pluck whatever factory or natural resource they wanted and claim it for themselves. Whole steel mills were given away for almost nothing by the state in the hope of recovering debts, stabilizing the economy with "Western knowhow" and saving a few jobs.
A new blanket of rich people quickly rose in Russia. The modern oligarch, politically savvy, outgoing and eager to show everybody his wealth. Unlike a French billionaire who's inherited a business and made it 2% more profitable every year, his Russian equivalent usually comes from humble upbringings and is eager to show off.
One great way to do that is by buying the best cars made in the West. The more numerous, the bigger, the more expensive, the better.
One great place to start a car collection is with an SUV. All-wheel drive and an automatic transmission mean that your 20-year old girlfriend who's won the Miss World title can enjoy it as well. "That's right Anna Annustaya, the pink one is for you and it matches mine." But which SUV is the best?
We think two are worthy. From Britain, we have the Range Rover Supercharged, which burns gasoline at an alarming rate and gives a very nice sensation of opulence and wealth in return. Land Rover makes a long wheelbase version worth considering and armored models also exist.
The other SUV you should consider, Vasily Vasilievich, has been a constant status symbol for the rich and famous for a decade. It can only be the Mercedes G-Class, of corse. Most consider the G63 AMG to be a benchmark in 4x4 transportation, but no oligarch should be caught dead without the more powerful G65 AMG, which very few people in the world have bought. It costs about €250,000, is powered by a V12 engine with over 600 hp and very few people in the world have even seen one. Perfect!
But why stop there? Why not get one of those mental SUVs from Dartz that have crazy names like "Prombon" or "Black Snake". All of them have armor and should easily survive the zombie apocalypse.
Right, on to the supercars. It's not about going really fast – the bad Russian roads won't allow that – it's more about showing off with something every high school kid has on his bedroom wall and will never be able to own.
The Ferrari 458 Italia is a good place to start your supercar journey. "Why not the 458 Speciale
?", I hear you ask. That's simple, Ion Ionovich, because it needs to be tuned anyway. The best people to ask for that are Mansory, which only make a few of each model, mainly from carbon fiber. Heavy customization in carbon fiber takes place, but the end result still looks like a Ferrari, which is what you want in order to be idolized.
No supercar collection is complete without a Lamborghini, so get the Aventador
and ask DMC for their LP988-4 body kit and engine mod. And ask them to do your Bentley Continental GT as well!
There will be opulent new cars coming out in the next year or so, including the Mercedes-Maybach S-Class and the first Bentley SUV ever. They might seem tempting, but here are a few you need to follow:
- Only buy an electric car for the maid or if you're considering a political campaign
- Only buy a hybrid if it's the LaFerrari, McLaren P1 or Porsche 918 Spyder
- If it's slow, it must have armor plating
- Minimum number of cylinders: 8
- Minimum horsepower output: 400 hp
- Minimum price: €100,000
- Brands to avoid: Ford, Chevrolet, Audi
There is a chance that other Russian oligarchs besides you will read this article. To ensure your cars don't look like his, consider the following mods:
- Chrome wrap
- Widebody kit
- Lowering suspension kit for your SUV
- The leather of an endangered animal
- Two hot girls constantly in the car
- Bigger guns and an RPG