Volvo people have done it again... ahem. They somehow managed to squeeze as many cars into just one model as my two homosexual Great Danes are stuffing... ahem... freshly picked Pakistani Kathal fruits in their tiny bellies. I believe you are calling them... ahem... Jack Fruit. This is not exactly my cup of rare Chinese monkey picked tea.
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure as to why would anyone buy... ahem... only one car to satisfy different needs when you can do just like me, and have a different car for each time of day, day, week, month, holiday, year, decade etcetera. Yeah, well I guess that's why... ahem... not everybody is me.
This half family wagon half SUV craze has somehow managed to... ahem... avoid me thanks to the aforementioned reason. In other words, I'm too rich to buy just one do-it-all vehicle, as good as this car can be. Plus, you guys know how much I love... ahem... tarnishing the planet and teasing other mortals by making the Middle East richer with my fuel bills.
So, why exactly wouldn't I buy this Volvo? Well, it seems nicely built and its interior reminds me of my... ahem... Scandinavian summer home, but it tries to make too many people happy. And I hate buying my cars solely on how efficient they are at satisfying my... ahem... primordial needs. I like them to use a lot of fuel, preferably gas, be very powerful, luxurious and most of all, look, feel and BE expensive. This XC70 does none of that, although it's not exactly... ahem... on the cheap side.