Oh sweet... ahem... Jesus! Is this the latest product to come out of the city of... ahem... strength through joy car? It's red too. And those wheels look like they were taken straight out of a... ahem... original Beetle. Oh, this is the latest Volkswagen Golf? Why would you paint it red, it's not a... ahem... Italian sports car or anything.
And why is it named "Golf" anyway? Do their customers like playing with balls too much, or what? That is actually a sport I like, along with cricket. And yes, I'm talking about golfing, not playing with my... ahem... testicles. This seems a bit big and underpowered to be a golf cart though. My... ahem... twin-supercharged V12 bespoke Lagonda golf cart can absolutely obliterate this red econobox on the course.
Did I mention my private behind the... ahem... castle golf course has water hazards that are infested with albino anacondas? This puny Vee Dub doesn't stand a chance if it gets stuck in one of my... ahem... green side bunkers filled with man-made quicksand traps.
And what is this Direct Shift Gearbox you speak so much about? My blown twelve-cylinder Lagonda golf cart... ahem... only needs two speeds: "blistering fast" and "oh dear, we're going to die". Your red tin can has six forward... ahem... gears, one reverse and TWO clutches? Why doesn't it have four pedals then?
Nevermind, I wasn't interested anyway. That walloping, over-sized, kitschy emblem on the... ahem... hood is enough to convince me I wouldn't even buy this for my twin... ahem... Brazilian maids/sexual slaves. They each can share a carbon fiber/unobtainium tricycle instead of... ahem... this, as far as I'm concerned. I guess I'll see you on the 18th hole then, old chaps!
PS: keep the Golf away from my golf course!