I believe this is the first time I agree with mister Back, or whatever his name is. That British dude with more money than your average international hip hop star. The smart fortwo should be called smart fornoone. I can't even fit into that thing thanks to my new 'merican fast food diet. So I didn't get to test drive it properly, even though you all guys know I have my own ways of learning everything about a car without even getting inside.
A few gentle taps on the doors and a few knocks on the hood were enough to inform me about a bunch of stuff about the smart fortwo. First of all, this is obviously an oversized Toys'R'Us car with a lawnmower engine. It's actually for very fat kids, not for grown ups, right? Second of all, if they made it bigger than your average toy car, why didn't they lose all the plastic bits on it? Sure, it might never rust, but what happens if you take it for a ride in the desert, mafia style? My guts tell me it's going to melt if parked in places like Nevada or California.
Since I didn't get to drive it I can only assume that it handles pretty similar to a golf cart, not a real car. I mean, everybody thinks they're fun to hang out with in an enclosed area but nobody takes them home, or goes out with them. Kind of like fat chicks. Speaking of them, I saw one yesterday who would have needed a smart forsix, since the fortwo is basically the same size, volume and shape with one of her butt cheeks. I'm telling you guys, that was a scary image.
Anyway, back to the car, dunno much else to say about it except the fact that it looks like a washing machine in that white color. Couldn't you have tested one that was, I dunno, blue or something? Too bad I couldn't fit my big beer belly inside, maybe my opinion would have changed if I had gotten to drive it, especially since I hear it's pretty nimble in traffic.