Pedigree of the Brands - A Different View of the Story... ...Many of us own cars which come from rather famous brands. Plenty of times, even if you hate to admit it, the badge is the main reason to look at a certain car and, in the end, it's the decisive reason in actually choosing the "perfect"model. OK, there ... Continue reading >
100+ years since the invention of the self-propelled car, three new engines battle for a place in the automotive future. Which one do you see in your car 10 years from now?
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Test Drive: PORSCHE Panamera S - 2009
Sir May B. Bach's Opinion
Heh... what can I say? They've finally done it. Porsche has finally built a car for someone like... ahem... me. Luxurious, stupid-fast, spacious, etcetera... ahem... etcetera. But wait! Something's wrong here... They also hired a designer with a pretentious but unusual crush on the Galapagos... ahem... turtles. And they made him draw the best Porsche GT in years!
Why on Earth Porsche can't do a proper thing from the beginning to the end? Why do they always... ahem... mess it up somewhere on the way? For example, the 928 was a great touring car but it only had two usable seats. Whenever I wanted to take my quad-turbocharged 928 GTS on a longer... ahem... road trip back in the '90s I had the same problem: only one Swedish blonde masseuse per trip.
Well, now in the Panamera I can take three! Too bad it will be much harder to... ahem... convince them to jump inside a Galapagos Turtle with Down syndrome on wheels. There should be a law against such... ahem... ludicrous styling and the guys in charge of the Panamera's exterior design should be prosecuted!
I understand it has to look like a Porsche from the distance. I also understand the designers probably had specific... ahem... guidelines to follow when they penned this monstrosity, but still. On the other hand, if I were to make three Swedish models/masseuses to approach this car blindfolded, then the interior amenities and the way it... ahem... goes would most likely rise up to their standards. They did to mine, after all.
In other words, if it weren't for the dreadful exterior styling this would probably be the best car in the Porsche line-up for... ahem... me. Well, not this actually, the Turbo version would. Still, this is like a rare kind of caviar served to you in a KFC bucket. Exquisite, but it looks like crap.
Why on Earth Porsche can't do a proper thing from the beginning to the end? Why do they always... ahem... mess it up somewhere on the way? For example, the 928 was a great touring car but it only had two usable seats. Whenever I wanted to take my quad-turbocharged 928 GTS on a longer... ahem... road trip back in the '90s I had the same problem: only one Swedish blonde masseuse per trip.
Well, now in the Panamera I can take three! Too bad it will be much harder to... ahem... convince them to jump inside a Galapagos Turtle with Down syndrome on wheels. There should be a law against such... ahem... ludicrous styling and the guys in charge of the Panamera's exterior design should be prosecuted!
I understand it has to look like a Porsche from the distance. I also understand the designers probably had specific... ahem... guidelines to follow when they penned this monstrosity, but still. On the other hand, if I were to make three Swedish models/masseuses to approach this car blindfolded, then the interior amenities and the way it... ahem... goes would most likely rise up to their standards. They did to mine, after all.
In other words, if it weren't for the dreadful exterior styling this would probably be the best car in the Porsche line-up for... ahem... me. Well, not this actually, the Turbo version would. Still, this is like a rare kind of caviar served to you in a KFC bucket. Exquisite, but it looks like crap.
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So who is Sir May B. Bach?
Sir Bach is the richest member of our team. Maybe even the richest man in the Northern hemisphere. Fact is, we don't even know how does he get the time to participate on our test drives, considering he's usually busy taking his two homosexual Great Danes to the stylist, filling up his personal squadron of gold-plated Gulfstreams or petting his own pack of albino chinchillas.
Apparently, he was knighted after he made a very generous contribution to the Queen's treasury. The exact amount of money is unknown, but immediately after this, the British GDP miraculously rose with almost 5%. He really enjoys luxury and the finer things in life.
Favourite quote: “Luxury ruins republics; poverty, monarchies.” - Charles De Montesquieu
Apparently, he was knighted after he made a very generous contribution to the Queen's treasury. The exact amount of money is unknown, but immediately after this, the British GDP miraculously rose with almost 5%. He really enjoys luxury and the finer things in life.
Favourite quote: “Luxury ruins republics; poverty, monarchies.” - Charles De Montesquieu
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23.02.2010 | 04:10 GMT
How come whenever I go to to look at reviews the first one i see is Sir May B. Beotches opinion. May Bachs have everything you don't need in a car, such as the marble or granite interior options. Obviously you have biases towards most vehicles and looking at your avatar frankly makes me angry, with the stupid expression on your face, and because i know your going to ahem fn 80 times in your comment.