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Test Drive: PORSCHE Cayman S - 2009
Sir May B. Bach's Opinion
If I were to choose a single German... ahem... Sauerkraut-loving car company to like, it would probably be Porsche. Except for that atrocious Cayenne Diesel, I like pretty much all of their... ahem... cars.
Sure, I also like luxurious and fast barges a la Mercedes-Benz's AMG, but... ahem... those very same guys are also part of the company that's making dreadful cars like the smart fortwo, or the A and B-Klasse, which kind of make me... ahem... absolutely hate them as a brand. Porsche, on the other hand, only blew it a couple of times... ahem... in history. The first time they did it was in the 1970s, when the blasphemous 914 range came out.
That things looked like a friggin' matchbox on wheels. It didn't matter that it was probably the best handling car... ahem... in those days, but it sure looked like some five year old had penned it with only but a ruler and a crooked pencil. The 914 did have an upside though, it taught Porsche that they can make cars with a much better configuration than the Beetle-looking... ahem... 911.
I mean, everybody knows that the rear of a car is probably the worst place to put the... ahem... engine, while the center is best. Which brings me to the Cayman S I drove. To put it simply, I absolutely adored it! I know I don't say this many... times... actually I probably never said it since I began helping you guys with the... ahem... test drives.
Truth is, the world needs cars like this one. It's far from being comfortable, albeit it's very cozy in... ahem... there, but it's surprisingly practical and it goes like stink. I wouldn't buy one as a daily driver, but I would surely buy one for my personalized backyard... ahem... FIA circuit, so I can work on my newly acquired skills in drifting. Plus, it even has on onboard lap timer so I can clock my... ahem... unbeatable times.
Sure, I also like luxurious and fast barges a la Mercedes-Benz's AMG, but... ahem... those very same guys are also part of the company that's making dreadful cars like the smart fortwo, or the A and B-Klasse, which kind of make me... ahem... absolutely hate them as a brand. Porsche, on the other hand, only blew it a couple of times... ahem... in history. The first time they did it was in the 1970s, when the blasphemous 914 range came out.
That things looked like a friggin' matchbox on wheels. It didn't matter that it was probably the best handling car... ahem... in those days, but it sure looked like some five year old had penned it with only but a ruler and a crooked pencil. The 914 did have an upside though, it taught Porsche that they can make cars with a much better configuration than the Beetle-looking... ahem... 911.
I mean, everybody knows that the rear of a car is probably the worst place to put the... ahem... engine, while the center is best. Which brings me to the Cayman S I drove. To put it simply, I absolutely adored it! I know I don't say this many... times... actually I probably never said it since I began helping you guys with the... ahem... test drives.
Truth is, the world needs cars like this one. It's far from being comfortable, albeit it's very cozy in... ahem... there, but it's surprisingly practical and it goes like stink. I wouldn't buy one as a daily driver, but I would surely buy one for my personalized backyard... ahem... FIA circuit, so I can work on my newly acquired skills in drifting. Plus, it even has on onboard lap timer so I can clock my... ahem... unbeatable times.
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So who is Sir May B. Bach?
Sir Bach is the richest member of our team. Maybe even the richest man in the Northern hemisphere. Fact is, we don't even know how does he get the time to participate on our test drives, considering he's usually busy taking his two homosexual Great Danes to the stylist, filling up his personal squadron of gold-plated Gulfstreams or petting his own pack of albino chinchillas.
Apparently, he was knighted after he made a very generous contribution to the Queen's treasury. The exact amount of money is unknown, but immediately after this, the British GDP miraculously rose with almost 5%. He really enjoys luxury and the finer things in life.
Favourite quote: “Luxury ruins republics; poverty, monarchies.” - Charles De Montesquieu
Apparently, he was knighted after he made a very generous contribution to the Queen's treasury. The exact amount of money is unknown, but immediately after this, the British GDP miraculously rose with almost 5%. He really enjoys luxury and the finer things in life.
Favourite quote: “Luxury ruins republics; poverty, monarchies.” - Charles De Montesquieu
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12.11.2009 | 09:06 GMT
Way too many 'ahem's. It isn't interesting, but annoying.