It is beyond my power of understanding to see why we are forced to come back to operating agricultural machines every once in a while. This one is even worse than what I've seen in the past. In business, detailed graphs are everything and if we'd make one for driving, this car would bring a hefty dose of downward pointing red lines.
One mustn’t be ignorant, of course. We have to understand this car was built for those corners of the world where the environment is ready to claim your life every time you step on the ground.
The wilderness in the Middle East and Australia perfectly qualify. As for Russia, nature is pushed to second place when it comes to threats there. The traffic is much worse than you'd imagine in Russia, so I fully understand why you would need three tons of steel around you at all times.
I have recently been to Russia to handle some... ahem... business. As you can imagine, I called my chauffeur, Jason Statham, and asked him to take care of my transportation needs for the trip.
Alas, not even his driving was enough to convince me to use the automobile for traveling on Russian roads. There are too many normal journeys among the accidents there!
I switched to a helicopter after my first ride, but that wasn't much better either. I asked for an Apache to be brought along, just so I could get the peace of mind I needed, but the military weren't too happy about that.
I didn't want to talk to their bosses again, so I dropped the helicopter too. In the end, it was much simpler to just pay the army guys to chauffeur me around in one of their... ahem... tanks.
Nobody had to know, it was an unofficial deal and things went smoothly from that point on. Jason even perfected his tank maneuvering skills, so from now on I can rely on him when it comes to this sort of transportation.
I suppose that my disappointment for not being able to use this car in Russia is understandable. Let us conclude then: this metallic brute doesn't make sense in the land it was built for and it doesn't have any purpose elsewhere in the world. Excellent job!