You know, I sometimes get the feeling you guys have a very... ahem... odd sense of humor. From time to time, immediately after you put me in a 100+ grand Porsche sedan you make me drive a sub-15 grand... ahem... Korean substitute of a car. It's like eating the brain of a live monkey one day and... ahem... fish'n'chips from a garbage can the next.
Is there an actual purpose for tormenting me with such... ahem... poor excuse of a car? Did you actually think I was kidding when I vowed never to drive a Seed ever again? Well, trust me, I wasn't. I never joke about things that make me sick to my... ahem... stomach. That's not to say that I'm not a good chap in the end and still try to drive and give and opinion about the most... ahem...horrendous vehicles you guys throw at me.
Thing is, sometimes I actually enjoy taking a stab at the poor and helpless. It's like taking vitamins for my... ahem... ego. So, getting back to the Kia... Seed, or whatever it's called. As as I can remember, I absolutely, positively hated the earlier version we... ahem... tested before. In other words, what exact synapse told you I would probably appreciate a face lift that is uglier, slower and 100% more horrendous than the one that precedes it? You should tell me this so I can inform my personal brain surgeon to program you for a lobotomy.
Let's start with the revamped design, shall we? First of all, that front looks simply obnoxious now. It's like the face someone would make if he would constantly be sniffing... ahem... farts from an old person. Please excuse my language, but that's exactly what it reminds me of. Second of all, didn't anyone tell Kia that if you change a car's design so… ahem... drastically after only two years is like admitting you pretty much blew it with the first version?
Speaking of “blow”, you can probably imagine what thoughts I might have about a car that uses a 1.4-liter, 90 horsepower engine, as a means of propulsion. Let's just say that it felt like having a 90... ahem... ponypower engine. And the 1.4-liters of displacement? I've eliminated larger kidney stones... so I'm not exactly impressed.