I have to say that I was completely terrified, petrified and running fast out of synonyms for "scared s**tless" after seeing this Brabus E V12 parked outside my porch. You have to admit it's not exactly a pretty sight, and I mean that in the kindest words possible. It looks like it somehow managed to hit every branch while falling down from the ugly tree.
Those angular headlights, the LED lights, the black everything and the dark gray rims are enough to persuade the producer of Scare Tactics to use the E V12 in one of their shows. Not even Darth Vader would go near it, especially after those quad exhaust tips have already started to belch indecent, hellish sounds upon starting the engine.
Engine, did I say? The Brabus E V12 doesn't seem to have an engine, but a very loud teleporting device. Instead of "Beam me up, Scotty!" you just press the accelerator pedal a little harder and you go from point A to point B so fast you can't even count the gearshifts.
And trust me, I've got all these pieces of information just by knocking on that carved engine hood, after first trying to lower my increased heartbeats. Let me inform you guys once again, I'm by far not a Mercedes-Benz, and I usually prefer diesels over almost any gasoline engine. The problem is this is not a regular Mercedes and that's not your average engine.
In case it's not obvious by now, I absolutely loved this car. Almost as much as I loved that Maybach Exelero in one of Jay Z's videos. Or was it J Lo? Whatever, you know the car I'm talking about. As much as I hate the exterior design, the rest of the car is simply fabulous and I would buy one in a heartbeat if I had the dough.
Plus, if I had that much moolah I would definitely have enough to take it to a shop and exchange all those angular bits to more round ones. Maybe even make some Chris Bangle-inspired flame surfacing on that ugly thing. Yeah, that pretty much sounds like a plan, now all I need is to win the lottery or take my moonshine business to all new heights.