Why Small Convertibles Belong in the Rio Carnival
I guess working with the stuff of legend has made me immune to hating overpriced cars, but I can now understand why others might not feel the same way, which is why I want to talk about cheaper cars that will make you happy. No, not the Toyota Prius, that only makes you a smug person with a superiority complex. I’m talking about happy cars, like the Fiat 500, Volkswagen Beetle or MINI Cooper.
Now, like most beer-blooded men, I have an opinion about those cars as well, which is “I HATE THEM, THEY’RE STUPID”. We men think that because we have hair all over and a natural repulsion towards pink colors that we have to be angry, cynical or bitter as a way of life. Yet we still crave companionship, love our big goofy labradors and cried at the end of the Titanic. Don’t deny it, DiCaprio made you reach for the tissues, you sentimental old boy!
If I ignore the unreasonable prices, the Beetle, MINI and 500 do actually make me kind of… happy. All three of them plus the lesser known Citroen DS3 and smart fortwo are filled with a sort of effervescent and joy most man-made objects don’t bring.
I could go on for hours talking about how headlights look like a puppy’s eyes and how I find the lack of performance to be strangely arousing, like watching a woman trying to walk fast on stilettos that are too high. Yet as cure and funny as they are, there are even cuter, funnier and sexier version of these cars. Yep, you guess it, convertibles.
I especially like how the Fiat 500C and Citroen DS3 Cabrio still have roof pillars on them because they still look like their regular selves. And for some reason, owning a Beetle Convertible turns on me as much as two Playboy models and a bottle of red wine.
What I’m going to say will sound strange, but bear with me for a second. I think the VW Beetle Cabrio and all its sisters are a lot like those sexy girl in the Rio de Janeiro Carnaval. They’re both flamboyant, big on theater and not at all self-concious about their looks.
If a Ferrari is the ultimate car, the four-wheeled equivalent of Adriana Lima or Angelina Jolie (the younger version), than the Beetle is like a salsa dancer from Brazil. Both have lots of curves, try to revel as much as possible to get your attention and are present a smiling face to the passerby. Neither will win a Miss World beauty contest, but once they put on their parade costumes… you definitely would.
The way I figure, all those cars have a lot of latin flavor in them, the majority coming from France and Italy. Even the MINI has “Chili” cosmetic packs. But all people are doing with them is to show off, like they’re a breed of cocker spaniel, and all that mamasita bonita, papi chulo attitude is wasted.
Have you guys ever sat up through a big sunroof, grabbed the roof rails and just enjoyed the wind. It’s a lot of fun, so imagine what it’s like if you’re in a car that has no roof at all. Instant party baby!
Somebody needs to figure out a way to bring a thousand VW convertibles together, fill them with sexy samba dancers and parade them down the streets of Rio next year, because that, ladies and gentlemen, is where the flamboyant Bug belongs!