Supercars, Trucks and Classic Cars for Rappers: Rags to Riches
We don’t know much about making stuff rime, but we do know a bit about cool cars... but only a bit. So, upon close analysis of MTV Cribs, we’ve come to a some very accurate, scientific conclusions, around which we’ve formulated a way for you to have a killer car park that’s better than Birdman, Lil Wayne and Jay-Z.
To have a properly super collection of supercars, some cars have to be very big, some need to be expensive or look expensive, some have to be rare and at least one one must be something nobody else has. As an added bonus, buy something stupid like a turbocharged tricycle for little kids or batman’s motorcycle. If all these criteria are met, you can truly call yourself a baller.
Our first piece of advice, dear gentlemen, is that some of your cars need to be big, no huge, scratch that, they need to rival Moby Dick. One possibility is to get yourself a Rolls Royce, but that’s been done before, hasn’t it. Another would be a stretched limo based on a cool SUV, like the Hummer. Never show a motorhome or bus on MTV Cribs, no matter how cool it is. In fact, don’t buy one altogether.
Since we want our rapper supercar suggestions to be non-mainstream, we’ve come up with some suggestions that are way outside the box. For example, nobody has ever bought a gold-plated tractor (as in agricultural equipment), or a monster truck with luxury fittings. And why doesn’t 50 Cent own the actual Optimus Prime truck? If you really want to get crazy, how about an Optimus Prime truck plated with gold and perched on a monster truck body!
There is no other reason to buy a bunch of expensive cars other than to let people know you’ve made it, that you’re no longer a smalltimer. People who were raised in the wrong part of town or even worse in the wrong part of the globe, have a natural fear of the police. And so nothing shows people how cool you are better than buying an actual police car. Yes, you heard me right, a real police car with lights, sirens and a cage inside. Rolling inside that baby will show that you’ve grown, matured and aren’t afraid of the cops.
Somebody that nobody else has. This is probably the most tricky thing to do, isn’t it. The Veyron just isn’t going to cut it, and regular tuning projects are too anonymous. Buying the $8 million Maybach Exelero like Birdman is probably going to get you in trouble with the creditors.
This is where you have to go back to your musical and cultural roots, mister Lil Eminem or Snoop West. If you wear Adidas Superstars, than it’s going to have to be a tuned ricer, something like a 1,000 whp Toyota Supra. If you sing rasta music, than a rat rod in matte black and a Jamaican flag on the roof is the way to go. Finally, if you’re all about being a gangster, how about a tricked out 1967 Pontiac lowrider like Snoop has.
History will teach you a great many things. For example, if you’d splurged back in the day on a McLaren F1, nobody would care now. But the Countach is better because it looks cool and the badge has a bull on it. Yes, it’s that simple!
Another brilliant example of supercar worthy of buying would be the Mercedes Benz SLS AMG, just because… because! There’s a couple of really cool European tuning kits from Hamann and FAB Design we’d recommend, we’ll tell you a little secret mister rapper with mad skills: the SLS AMG Black Series is coming next year. Wait!
So, let’s see who’s doing it right!
Kanye West’s Lamborghini Aventador
Everyone wants an Aventador. Even though it’s not the sweetest handling car in the world, but it’s a rocket in a straight line and has 700 horsepower from a 6.5-liter V12 Aventador. But that’s not all Kaye West is doing right, because his car came as a gift from his new significant other, the sexy Kim K. That’s one heck of a perk!
In addition, Kim went to supercar tuner to the stars Platinum Motorsports, who made it all matte black, not with a silly wrap, but a full body respray.
Right now, only about a thousand Lamborghini Aventadors exist in the world, and they are really tricky to get, thanks to a waiting list that’s a year long. But if you’re Kim, that doesn’t really matter.
Flo Rida wants to be a player, but this boy surely isn’t playing when it comes to cars. He’s been arrested on multiple occasions while behind the wheel, but we’ll let that slide because he’s a member of the shiny hypercar club.
Just like Justin Biever’s chrome Fisker Karma, the finish the car left the factory with just wasn’t enough for Flo, so he had it chromed out to look like a silver spoon. A thousand horsepower, a million dollars and over 200 miles per hour means you don’t mess with him.
Flo also has a matte black Ferrari 458 Italia, so he knows a thing or two about switching up the colors. Done right!
Will.I.AM’s McLaren MP4-12C
Well, the McLaren has the bragging right when it comes to technology. It’s the geeks choice of supercar, so a perfect match to mister “I have my own laptop brand” here.
While Ferrari and Lamborghini still insist they can only make supercars with naturally aspirated engines, McLaren proved it really is an engineering company and downsized everything right down to 3.8 liters. Despite the small engine, it has one of the largest specific output figures. Everything on the McLaren is beautiful from both an esthetic and an engineering point. For example, the doors hinge upwards not because it’s sexier this way buy because it makes getting out easier.
Birdman’s Maybach Exelero
He bought the one-off Maybach Exelero, a car built in 2005 and fitted with a twin-turbo V12 700 horsepower engine. If you imagine rich people are one a hierarchical pyramid, than this is the sort of car you’d usually associate with Arab or Russian oil tycoons.
The only problem is that beck in 2011, Birdman reportedly had yet to pay the $8 million he owed for the car, though he maintained the car would be in his possession by December. Let this be a lesson to you boys, don’t overstretch your budget. Money really doesn’t grow on trees!